What occurs when irresponsible parents take their children on a flight? You might witness the strange scenes I did recently at a Scandinavian airport.

At the airport, I saw a toddler lying on the floor while his mother gently encouraged him to return to his stroller. Another young child was reprimanding his parents, who listened quietly. Meanwhile, in the back of economy class on a Scandinavian Airlines flight, an infant was crying uncontrollably, and no one intervened.

This experience got me thinking: Is the issue with troublesome kids on flights, or is it about the parents?

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I’ll reveal the answer shortly. However, let’s rewind a bit. Earlier this year, I noted that the situation with unsupervised children at airports had worsened. This past summer brought its share of disruptive young travelers, including a boy who wouldn’t buckle his seatbelt, resulting in a flight delay from Santa Marta, Colombia, to Bogota, and a toddler who was so upset on a flight in China that strangers locked her in the restroom as a misguided attempt to calm her.

You can’t help but question where the parents are in such situations.

There’s an easy fix for this issue

It turns out there are ways to identify if parents are at fault – and how to address it. At least, that’s what parenting experts suggest.

But before proceeding, let me clarify that traveling with young children can be challenging and stressful, and as a father of three, I understand those pressures. When you see a parent overwhelmed at the airport, they usually deserve your compassion and assistance.

However, that’s not always the case. Back to that airport situation: Call me traditional, but here’s a simple fix for kids misbehaving. You pick your little darling off the floor and securely place him back into his stroller, where he can continue his tantrum – and you can head to your gate on schedule. As for the child lecturing his parents? That’s amusing, but I’ve always thought it’s the parents who should be doing the talking.

And that crying baby? Perhaps the Chinese approach might be on point (just kidding). Hand the child a toy or a snack. After all, it’s hard to eat and scream at the same time, right?

Are you a problematic parent while traveling?

▶ Have you clearly set your expectations? “Establishing clear expectations for behavior can prevent problems from arising,” said Carla Bevins, who teaches business communication at Carnegie Mellon University’s Tepper School of Business. Simply put, if you’re not demonstrating proper conduct to your children, how can they learn to behave? This advice also applies to nearby passengers dealing with a child having a meltdown. Bevins emphasizes the importance of using body language, tone, and words that convey patience and understanding. “A smile, a nod of recognition, or just giving a little space to a parent struggling with luggage and a stroller are subtle yet impactful gestures that show compassion and support,” she added.

▶ Are you allowing your children to overstep boundaries? “Should parents permit their child to ride on a luggage carousel? Run wildly through the airport? Run unsupervised?” asked Jason Seacat, a psychology professor at Western New England University in Springfield, Massachusetts. “No.” Certain limits must be respected. Seacat acknowledges that parenting can be overwhelming and that passengers should be sympathetic if a parent accidentally lets their toddler breach a boundary. However, if a parent shows disregard for such boundaries – that’s another story.

▶ Are you receiving unsolicited parenting tips? That could be a warning sign, according to Karlee Vincent, author of “Pump or Bust,” a guide for traveling mothers returning to work after parental leave. “You quickly know if you’re part of the problem as a parent when other travelers start offering their unrequested advice without even trying to assist,” she shared. Vincent recounted an episode on a flight with her daughters, aged 6 and 10, when they fought over someone else’s belongings at a security checkpoint. During the tussle, a tray flew off the conveyor belt and crashed onto the floor. She felt as if every person in line was ready to give her advice while TSA agents eyed her sternly. “Traveling with children is no easy feat,” she remarked. Indeed, it’s not.

Yes, sometimes the parents are at fault

Here’s what I’ve gathered from this situation: When children act out on an airplane, perhaps we shouldn’t immediately blame them. Instead, we might need to hold their parents responsible.

If only we could agree on what good parenting looks like. Thomas Plante, a psychology professor at Santa Clara University, believes we live in a time of diverse parenting styles, including those I observed in Scandinavia.

“Some parents are quite relaxed and don’t seem too bothered when their kids misbehave during travel,” he explained. “Others are highly involved and may even be overbearing. It’s easy to become upset with parents when their approach doesn’t align with your own.”

However, it’s a discussion worth having, even if some of my readers may not want to engage in it. When Eileen Gunn, who oversees the family travel site FamiliesGo!, discovered I was writing an article on problematic parenting during travel, she expressed her disapproval.

“I’m saddened and disappointed,” she stated in an email. “Articles like the one you seem to be working on contribute to the idea that kids and parents are easy targets. Parents and grandparents traveling with children already face enough challenges without being shamed by a major columnist.”

I’m not entirely convinced. As a parent myself, I can tell you that nothing would have stopped me from booking a flight with my little ones, who don’t always behave well. I suspect Eileen would feel similarly, as might you.

So whether you’re a lenient parent or a more disciplined one, please consider the other passengers when you arrive at the airport over the holidays: Keep an eye on your kids.