For many people, this is seen as the most joyous time of the year. However, for those lacking family and friends, it can feel isolating.

“People are overwhelmed by media portrayals of everyone having a great time. If you aren’t part of those moments, it can create feelings of inadequacy,” explained loneliness specialist Dr. Jeremy Nobel. “That’s part of why many view the holidays as the loneliest period.”

Loneliness arises when the essential connections in a person’s life do not meet their needs. Research indicates that long-term loneliness can negatively impact both mental and physical health, raising the risk for heart disease, dementia, stroke, and early death.

Addressing chronic loneliness is hard because it often comes with shame, guilt, and societal prejudices, noted Nobel, who founded the Foundation for Art and Healing. This nonprofit addresses public health issues through creative endeavors and has launched Project Unlonely.

Yet, breaking free from this loneliness is possible. The important first step, as he and others emphasize, is to identify what holds significance for you and share that with others.

“Discovering your purpose in life is vital because it fuels your drive to engage with the world positively and kindly,” remarked Michele Kerulis, an associate professor of counseling at the Family Institute at Northwestern University.

Understanding loneliness

Everyone feels lonely from time to time. However, how loneliness is experienced varies widely from person to person, Nobel explained.

Some individuals may face psychological loneliness when they lack trust or someone to confide in. Societal loneliness refers to feeling excluded due to characteristics like gender, race, or disability. Existential or spiritual loneliness arises from a feeling of disconnection from oneself.

Nobel discusses different degrees of loneliness in his book, “Project Unlonely: Healing our Crisis of Disconnection.”

Many people experience the first level, where they may occasionally feel lonely but quickly address it by reaching out for connections. However, if they fail to connect, they might descend into a deeper level of loneliness.

At this level, individuals may begin to feel a more profound form of loneliness, as described by Nobel, also a faculty member at Harvard Medical School and the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health. They may doubt their value and blame themselves for their feelings of isolation.

If a person continues to isolate, “chronic loneliness can quietly take hold and become harmful,” noted Kerulis.

Nobel refers to the most severe loneliness level, where serious “health risks arise.”

Studies indicate that reaching this level of loneliness is as damaging as smoking 15 cigarettes daily, he noted. “The heightened risks of depression, suicidal thoughts, and self-harm all occur at this higher level.”

Research has also connected chronic loneliness to changes in the brain that impact emotional understanding and social perception, making it even more difficult for people to overcome this loneliness, according to Nobel.

Discovering your true self

Finding your true self can feel overwhelming, Kerulis stated. However, you can begin this journey by pondering “the miracle question.”

“Imagine you woke up tomorrow in a world where everything is perfect for you — what does that scenario look like?” she asked. “Reflect on how you’re feeling today and identify one step you can take to get closer to that ideal situation.”

Starting with smaller actions, like pursuing interests you enjoy or explore, can be beneficial, Nobel suggested.

Kristen Bear, 39, began her journey of self-discovery on the internet.

Living in Nashville, she had just achieved two weeks of sobriety when the pandemic shut down the country in 2020. Anxious about revealing her sobriety to friends and family, she felt lonely and missed her usual activities.

“Upon quitting drinking, I realized, ‘I don’t know who I am anymore,’” she recalled.

Bear began tuning into sobriety podcasts and following related social media accounts, uncovering her passions for learning, reading, and writing. She even started taking poetry classes, which contributed to her growing confidence.

Self-discovery could be sparked by simple activities like gardening, volunteering, or reading. Ultimately, it must be true to who you are, Nobel advised.

After some time spent finding her true self through sobriety and introspection, Bear felt ready to connect with others. She created an online community called Creative Sobriety to assist others dealing with loneliness during early recovery.

“I feel whole now. I’m no longer pretending to be someone I’m not,” she shared with YSL News recently. “Living authentically helps attract the right people into my life—the ones who truly see and support me, reflecting my true self back to me.”

How to express your true self Connecting with Others

Once you’ve discovered your true self, Nobel emphasizes that the next crucial step in battling loneliness is to share that self with others.

He recommends seeking out events or groups that align with your interests. For Rebecca Northcutt, age 71, it was a community potluck she came across on Facebook last year.

After moving from a Virginia suburb near Washington D.C. to Waterville, Maine, to be near her daughter, Northcutt struggled to form friendships. With her husband traveling for work and her daughter busy with long hours on their new farm, she felt lost in her new life and increasingly lonely.

“It was challenging because it’s a small town, and everyone here, especially those my age, has lived here for years and has their social circles established,” she reflected. “I often questioned, ‘Why am I here? What’s my purpose?’”

Yearning for connection, she discovered a local potluck on Facebook, where participants were encouraged to bring a dish to share alongside a personal story about it. Northcutt decided to prepare a chicken and rice dish that she had often made for her family and took it along to the gathering.

Nobel pointed out that many people hesitate to reveal their authentic selves due to the fear of being rejected. This sense of rejection can feel particularly intense when it’s directed at you. However, it’s the only pathway to establishing genuine connections with others.

As someone who identifies as an introvert, Northcutt chose to listen rather than share a story. Among the attendees was Patricia Flynn, who had also recently moved to the area and was uncertain about how to meet new people.

“It’s never easy for me to walk into a room filled with unfamiliar faces,” Flynn expressed to YSL News. This is why her friendship with Northcutt has become “especially meaningful.”