Senate Republicans Make a Mockery of Themselves (and the Nation) During Confirmation Hearings | Opinion
I have summarized the hearings into a simplified script that reveals the essence of the “advice and consent” that Republicans are offering, which essentially translates to: ‘Sure, whatever.’
If you’ve been avoiding the news while President-elect Donald Trump’s Cabinet selections underwent their Senate confirmation hearings this week, you’ve made a good choice. It has been, at the very least, stomach-churning.
Our Republican senators seem more interested in receiving whimsical gifts from Trump, like golden sneakers, or enjoying his praise than in the well-being of the country. Consequently, we are witnessing a group of largely unqualified individuals selected by Trump smoothly making their way into power.
To simplify things for you, I have created a fictional yet telling script that encapsulates the gist of the “advice and consent” offered by the GOP-led Senate, which boils down to: “Sure, whatever.”
A (fictional) script from the Senate confirmation hearings for Trump’s nominees
Imagine you are watching the hearings on your television. Here is a rough sketch of how they have progressed.
GOP Senator 1: “It’s a privilege to present our next Cabinet nominee, handpicked by the illustrious Donald J. Trump, first of his name, warrior against wokeness, supreme leader, and revered figure of MAGA. This nominee has the utmost qualifications, having worked as a part-time assistant manager at Best Buy in Falls Church, Virginia, making him well-suited for the role of Defense Secretary overseeing our vast military. He embodies MAGA values, has an aversion to diversity, believes laws do not apply to him or President Trump, and drinks unpasteurized milk to safeguard his soul from liberal influences. We will now move on to questions.”
GOP Senator 2: “Sir, it appears you are reported to have killed three drifters and use their skulls to drink the blood of orphans. To me, that indicates considerable bravery.”
Appointee: “Thank you, sir. I despise the American government and aim to dismantle it from within.”
GOP Senator 2: “I’m a yes.”
GOP Senator 1: “Great! It seems we have unanimous support here.”
Democratic Senator: “Excuse me, could I ask the appointee a question? Sir, reports suggest that you believe women should not vote or even speak, that you think the earth is flat, and that you have a nitrous oxide addiction. Can you confirm or deny this?”
Appointee: (takes a deep breath from a nitrous-oxide tank) “I refuse to answer trap questions.”
Democratic Senator: “Yes or no, sir?”
Appointee: “I’m not certain what you mean by those terms.”
Democratic Senator: “You don’t understand what ‘yes’ and ‘no’ are?”
Appointee: “I won’t respond to trap questions. You will be among the first I intend to imprison.”
Democratic Senator: “Excuse me? What makes you qualified for such a critical government role?”
Appointee: “I don’t need to answer that.”
Democratic Senator: “That’s precisely why we are here!!”
Appointee: (produces a skull goblet and drinks from it) “I embody death, the harbinger upon the pale horse. Hell follows in my wake.”
GOP Senator 1: “Well, I believe we’ve gathered enough information. This candidate is evidently qualified.”
Democratic Senator: “But ”
GOP Senator 1: “The nominee is confirmed. Now, let’s bring in the next exceptionally chosen and highly qualified candidate, a coal magnate who employs children and believes cancer is a misconception. Due to his current imprisonment for tax fraud and trafficking endangered species, he will be appearing via Zoom. He is the esteemed president-elect’s choice to lead the Environmental Protection Agency, which will be effectively defunct shortly after next week’s inauguration. Agreed? Whatever, he’s our choice. You Democrats can deal with it.”
Follow News columnist Rex Huppke on Bluesky at @rexhuppke.bsky.social and on Facebook at facebook.com/RexIsAJerk
