Recently, I received a message from a parent of a high school basketball player.

They had revisited my article from October 2023 regarding the concerning behavior of parents at youth and high school sporting events. It’s “disheartening,” they noted, that conditions haven’t improved in their area, and may actually be getting worse.

The parent and their spouse, who chose to remain anonymous to safeguard their daughter’s identity, shared experiences from recent games that were marred by the behavior of onlookers.

To summarize: Shouting at referees, mocking opposing players, and nearly getting into physical confrontations with other fans. Two supporters of the same team were seen yelling at each other, which clearly upset one child in attendance.

These incidents don’t seem to be isolated to just one region.

Dana Pappas, director of officiating services for the National Federation of State High School Associations (NFHS), expressed in an email to YSL News Sports that “reports of unsportsmanlike conduct, brawls, and other incidents that shouldn’t occur in education-based sports continue to arise.”

I reached out to several athletic association administrators across different states. While we discussed their ongoing debates and adjustments to policies aimed at penalizing and preventing offensive behavior by spectators and coaches, a more straightforward solution emerged.

I was reminded of Dan Hurley.

This week, the UConn men’s basketball coach and two-time national champion was filmed admonishing an official: “Don’t turn your back on me; I’m the best coach in the (expletive) sport.”

Yet what he said post-game offered better guidance.

“I just wish they’d show the other coach more,” Hurley commented. “I’d like to see these other coaches losing their cool with the referees. I notice other coaches acting as dramatically as I am.

“But I’ve built this reputation for myself. I’m not asking for sympathy.”

It’s essential to remember we’re always being observed while we coach or cheer for youth and high school athletes. In a crowd, the actions of just one individual can trigger a chain reaction leading to chaos.

Think about how often you’ve joined in with someone nearby who loudly criticizes a call. You might not even strongly agree with their reaction, but conforming to their noise can seem like a way to bond with the other parents.

Now consider your reaction when your team’s coach disagrees with a referee’s decision.

“We like to emphasize that coaches wield significant influence over not just their players’ behavior but also that of the fans,” remarked Ron Nocetti, the executive director of the California Interscholastic Federation (CIF), during our conversation this week.

“For example, if a coach leaps off the bench during a basketball game, flailing their arms and grilling the referee over a call, parents seated nearby often mimic that behavior. We strive to make our coaches aware of their responsibility in this regard.”

Why should adults behave at games? ‘Because you’re an adult’

The CIF is addressing the ongoing “inappropriate actions from adult coaches and spectators” within consideration of a proposed bylaw amendment, claiming that “existing sanctions seem insufficient.”

The CIF Commissioners Committee suggests a new rule where coaches ejected from a game for non-fighting reasons would miss their team’s next 1-3 games (up from just one). A second ejection could result in a six-game disqualification, and a third would disqualify the coach for the remainder of the season.

“I doubt we’d have to enforce such measures if coaches acted properly,” Nocetti stated. “That’s not the reality we face. Many coaches question the bylaw, asking why these measures are necessary. Our straightforward answer is: ‘You’re an adult. Learn how to conduct yourself appropriately at your team’s games, and you won’t face these issues.’”

The California amendment, set for a vote in April, additionally suggests that ejected spectators will miss the next three games (up from one). Nocetti mentioned that CIF even holds the authority to fine member schools for poor parental conduct during events.

Todd Nelson, assistant director of the New York State Public High School Athletic Association, noted that discussions are ongoing regarding the imposition of fines on schools.

However, neither state association believes that simply penalizing schools effectively addresses the core problem: changing and preventing unsuitable behavior.

“If a referee makes a questionable call in the eyes of fans, and they respond with comments like ‘Ooooooo ‘ or ‘I think you missed that one, ref,’ the officials understand that’s how the game goes,” explained Nelson to YSL News Sports. “They are aware not everyone will agree with their decisions.

“But when spectators escalate their reactions by using inappropriate language and actions, turning their disagreement into a personal spectacle, that’s where the problem lies and where boundaries are crossed.”

New York State has enacted a spectator policy requiring anyone ejected from a game to either miss the following game or complete a parent credential course before returning. Nelson pointed out that witnessing the consequences of an unruly observer being removed encourages better behavior among those nearby.

But does ongoing misbehavior warrant more than just ejection?

“There’s been considerable dialogue about various measures,” Nocetti mentioned regarding California’s stance. “One idea that remains unpursued at a serious level is possibly removing not just an adult who misbehaves but their child from the team as well.

“When this conversation arises, we can’t help but feel saddened that we even discuss penalties for a child based on an adult’s inability to behave at a child’s game.”

Coaches, ‘stop landing planes’ from the sidelines

Becoming emotionally invested in games is natural. However, we owe it to our kids to avoid being the overly dramatic ones. In Minnesota, they refer to such coaches as “landing planes.”

“Stop landing planes out here,” advised Jason Nickleby, assistant director of Minnesota’s high school league. “Let’s lower those arms and have a conversation. Coaches who maintain composure allow their players to focus on the game while spectators can cheer. Even at the professional level, if a coach appears relaxed and unconcerned with officiating, their players typically remain composed as well. When a coach shows frustration, it can lead to a ripple effect through the entire team.”

During our conversation in October 2023, Nickleby had just received reports about an incident from a football game where a crew of officials was followed to their vehicle by unhappy fans. Instances like these have echoed throughout the year in Minnesota.
The State High School League conducted a survey among its sports officials, and they received 2,600 responses.

According to Nickleby, 94% of respondents reported having a “good or great” experience, but all of them also mentioned having negative encounters with a coach or spectator.

“The key takeaway for schools is that even though our officials have a passion for their work, one bad interaction could make them leave for good,” Nickleby explains. “I advised our schools to consider the situation from a practical standpoint. Wouldn’t it be better to retain experienced educators and coaches who perform well without needing constant supervision?”

“It’s the same for officials. We prefer to keep our skilled individuals because they can effectively manage games, ensure player safety, and create a smoother experience for everyone involved. Losing them means bringing in newcomers who lack experience, which can lead to more complications.”

This year, the NFHS asked each state to report on the number of new officials registered. The 28 states that provide this data indicated there were 21,360 new registrations.

The real challenge lies in holding onto these officials.

‘We are here to educate young people’

Pappas, who oversees officiating services for the NFHS, highlights the federation’s emphasis on mentorship programs, enhanced training, and collaboration with the National Interscholastic Administrators Association to protect officials.

“Although it’s difficult to gather concrete data, I believe that some officials are still leaving due to negative behavior from fans,” she adds.

As a spectator, it’s important to remember that schools prefer you not to engage directly with sports officials. We’ve witnessed too many instances where such exchanges can escalate during a game.

Instead, let coaches and administrators address any issues. Or simply pay attention to your children.

One notable strategy used in California’s sportsmanship toolkit is enlisting players to help curb bad behavior from fans. Before certain games, a player from each team reads a statement urging spectators to act respectfully.

Coaches can also work ahead of time with officials to find non-confrontational ways to resolve disputes. That part is best left to Coach Hurley.

“High school sports should have a different atmosphere because they aren’t about contracts for winning or losing,” Nocetti points out. “It’s not about the pressure to succeed or the uncertainty of how to act. Such behavior is inappropriate at any level, but particularly at the high school level. This should be about education-based athletics. Anyone who acts inappropriately in high school sports should be asked, ‘How does that contribute to education? What lessons are we imparting to young people?’”

Steve Borelli, known as Coach Steve, has been an editor and writer for News since 1999. He spent a decade coaching his sons’ baseball and basketball teams. He and his wife, Colleen, are now the proud parents of two high school athletes. His column appears weekly.