‘The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives’ is salacious and sensational. However, it doesn’t tell the entire story.
The Hulu series “The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives” debuted earlier this month, making the lives of its stars more public than private. This show has become Hulu’s number one feature, spotlighting eight influencers from the Mormon “#MomTok” community. One of the TikTok stars gained attention after revealing in a video that she engages in “soft-swinging,” which means minimal sexual encounters with other couples.
However, “Mormon Wives” isn’t strictly about this lifestyle. Instead, it delves into themes of friendship, faith, betrayal, manipulation, infidelity, and vacations, reminiscent of a typical “Real Housewives” season.
According to Mormon women interviewed by YSL News, although such stories do circulate within the diverse community, they don’t represent the entire experience. Perspectives on what life is like for Mormons vary greatly depending on whom you ask and where they reside. Some more devoted followers of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints—what members prefer to call the group—have expressed discomfort with the show’s more relaxed references to sex and other topics frowned upon by the church, such as alcohol and gambling. In contrast, others appreciate the women on the show discussing everyday issues, including feminism.
Melody Barnett, a resident of Tooele, Utah, shared that several friends were upset about the show’s existence: “I had a couple of friends mention to me how mad they were that the show was created at all.”
Barnett hopes viewers understand to view the series with skepticism: “Before seeing it and after seeing it, I still think anyone intelligent will know that it’s simply reality TV where inaccuracies abound.”
‘The fear of being judged is very real’
Many younger viewers might regard the women on the show as examples for the future of the church, considering that six of the eight stars are active members. However, not all Mormon adherents will follow the same rules and still identify as members of the faith. Nonetheless, even those deeply tied to church culture can recognize the nuances at play.
“The show feels like sensational reality TV packed with drama,” says Barnett, 39. “I wouldn’t claim to see much of the ‘culture’ in the show other than the scenic backdrops during gossip sessions. The worry about being judged is genuine for many.”
“For me, the show seemed unrelated to religion,” commented Lisa Calloway, 41, from Georgia. “The frequent insertion of images from the temple (alongside crosses and stained glass, which aren’t really associated with LDS) was rather confusing.”
The Church responded to the show, criticizing “entertainment media” in a recent statement: “While we understand the media’s fascination with our Church, we regret that such portrayals often hinge on sensationalism and inaccuracies that do not fully represent our members’ lives or the sacred tenets they hold dear.” The backlash has followed since the trailer was launched.
‘A very limited view’ of Mormon culture
Cassandra Sutton, a 37-year-old residing in Georgia who grew up in Utah as a Mormon, was intrigued to watch the show after the trailers were released and was already aware of the #MomTok controversy. “Even though I typically don’t watch reality TV, being from Utah makes me eager to see familiar places on screen,” she explained.
So, what were her thoughts? It offers “a very limited perspective of the progressive side of Mormonism,” showcasing a distinct generational gap within the faith. Younger Millennial Mormon women, for instance, may have connections to people similar to the cast in their social circles.
On the other hand, the series captures well “the close-knit relationships that Mormon women share,” albeit without the accompanying drama. It also focuses on the specific culture found in Utah, where a majority of the population follows the religion.
Sheryl Ellsworth, a Georgia resident, shares that the show reminded her of her experiences living there. As a Black woman in Utah, she found it difficult to encounter individuals willing to engage in meaningful discussions about significant issues like race in America or within the church.
Regarding the controversy surrounding the show, the 41-year-old believes, “People’s efforts to manage the backlash were likely unnecessary.” She expresses her appreciation for today’s viewers, noting that they understand the complexities surrounding various topics.
‘It exposed some hypocrisy’
Audiences were quick to commend the women on the show, most in their 20s and early 30s, for protesting “the patriarchy” in their community. But how widespread is this idea in everyday life?
“Many of us have supportive husbands who don’t dominate our lives,” Claire Kane Hayden, 25, clarifies. “We’re not pressured to marry or start families early, and there’s no prohibition against women pursuing careers or education. I think many people mistakenly believe that women in the church are oppressed and misrepresented, which has not been my experience at all.”
Nevertheless, “Mormon Wives” highlights the women’s resistance against patriarchal norms. They discuss intimate topics openly and show no shame in addressing divorce; one character even hosts a divorce celebration for herself. Yet, the series also portrays the reality of misogyny when one woman transforms into a lesser version of herself around her husband.
“It highlighted certain hypocrisies,” Ellsworth remarks—though not every woman felt that the men in their lives deserved such disdain. They acknowledge that negative behavior can be found in any man.
“Neither my dad nor other male figures in my life were controlling or demanding, and the prevailing thought was not that men had more rights or power than women,” Sutton states. “Even as I grew up in Utah, my family’s culture protected me from much of the toxic cultural sexism that friends experienced growing up Mormon.” She now sees herself as a genuine partner to her husband, interpreting her faith as supportive of this dynamic.
Katie Wilson, 37, admits she feels “disturbed at the thought that this portrayal of the women might influence others’ perceptions of LDS relationships.”
Desiree Olive, a 34-year-old songwriter, shares that she has a supportive husband who bolsters her aspirations. “I have a strong sense of identity beyond just being a wife and mother,” she mentions, adding, “In the church, I have met incredibly strong women who have accomplished significant achievements, and I know they couldn’t have done it without their partners’ support.”
While the women on the show made important points, some felt they could delve deeper. “I was proud that they used a powerful term like patriarchy,” Ellsworth acknowledges. “But at the same time, if you’re aiming to dismantle patriarchy, it’s crucial to also address racism, LGBTQ issues, and many other topics. At least they made a start.”
Maybe this show will serve as a catalyst for ongoing discussion and affirm the roles of some women in the church.
“The church encourages its members to seek personal answers to their questions and understand the ‘whys’ instead of just following commandments blindly,” Hayden points out.
However, not everyone feels devoted.
“Currently, there are aspects of it that still serve…
Ellsworth reflects on her faith, saying, “I can identify the positive aspects of it. However, I’ve changed my perspective. I used to firmly believe, ‘this is the ultimate truth,’ but that’s no longer the case for me. I also can’t guarantee that I will hold the same beliefs forever.”