A new study from the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign shows that parents are often keen to offer advice to their teenage children about school issues, but they may find that their words of wisdom are not well received. However, even if kids don’t appear to listen, they may still benefit from their parents’ input.
Researchers studied conversations between fifth-grade students and their mothers regarding academic difficulties and observed the advice strategies used by the mothers and the children’s responses. They then compared these findings to the child’s coping mechanisms during the transition to middle school, which is often a challenging time with new peer relationships and increased academic demands.
The goal was to gain insight into the dynamics of real-life conversations between parents and children. The focus was on academic challenges such as struggling to understand school work, feeling bored in class, or difficulties with time management due to academic expectations and pressure.
Researchers at the University of Illinois conducted a study to explore how parents are talking to their kids about managing stress as they enter adolescence. Kelly Tu, an associate professor in the Department of Human Development and Family Studies, led the study, which involved 100 youth and their mothers from a diverse community.
During the study, the pairs were asked to discuss an academic problem the child had encountered for five minutes. After the discussion, both the youth and their teachers completed a survey about how the youth cope with stress. Tu explained, “We wanted to know what parents are telling their kids about how to manage these stressors and how the kids are responding.”The study focused on school engagement, particularly after a child transitioned to middle school. The researchers had the child and one of their teachers fill out surveys to gather data. The findings showed that mothers often encouraged their children to actively address academic challenges. This encouragement usually fell into three categories: cognitive reappraisal, strategizing, and help-seeking. Cognitive reappraisal involved reframing problems, considering alternative explanations, and viewing experiences as learning opportunities. Strategizing involved urging the youth to find solutions, while help-seeking involved seeking assistance from a teacher, parent, or older sibling. The study did not find evidence of parents telling their children to ignore the issue and not be concerned about it, as is often the case with peer problems. However, when it comes to academics, especially during the transition to middle school, parents encouraged their children to attempt to tackle the challenges,” Tu said.
The children’s responses varied from agreeing and accepting to rejecting and disregarding their mothers’ suggestions, but most fell somewhere in between. Many young people responded to their mother’s advice with ambiguous statements such as ‘maybe’ or ‘I don’t know.’
Tu suggested that this could be indicative of the nature of the conversation, where young people may need more information or some time to process things.The researchers discovered that adolescents may not always want their mothers to give input on their problems, which could be due to their developmental stage. Surprisingly, it was found that young people who received cognitive reappraisal solutions from their mothers had better coping mechanisms, while those who received strategizing and help-seeking solutions did not. This was unexpected, as these are usually considered effective coping strategies. Additionally, the children’s responses to their mother’s cognitive reappraisal also had some unexpected results.
Research actually found that middle school students who actively responded to advice showed more effective coping mechanisms compared to those who simply accepted the advice. According to the researchers, kids at this age are going through a stage of development where they are seeking more independence and may initially resist guidance. However, the advice they receive on how to reframe their problems, consider different perspectives, or reflect on their experiences seems to resonate with them. They may not always find the advice immediately useful, but it appears to help them develop strategies for dealing with new challenges they encounter in middle school.
The researchers found that children who accepted their mother’s advice on seeking help for academic challenges had less adaptive coping skills in middle school. The advice given by moms was more straightforward, such as “Ask your teacher for help,” and not as complex as cognitive reappraisal suggestions. This type of advice may not be enough to address ongoing or complex academic challenges, and children may not be developing the skills to help themselves. As a result, they may come to rely too much on others for help.The researchers chose to focus more on others,” Tu said.
Tu also mentioned that some young people who agree with their mothers may just be trying to please them and move on without truly considering the advice.
“One of the key points of this study is the importance of giving children a variety of recommendations that they can use in different situations, especially when they are facing academic challenges. Even if they don’t seem to be interested at the time, we have found that some advice can still have long-term benefits,” she concluded.
The researchers decided to emphasize the significance of providing children with a wide range of suggestions that they can apply in various situations, particularly when they are facing academic difficulties. Even if they do not appear to be responsive in the moment, the researchers have found that some advice can still have long-term benefits.n mother-child dyads, it is often the mothers who take on the role of primary caregiver, spending more time with their children and being more involved in their day-to-day activities. However, future studies should also consider the role of fathers or allow children to identify which parent they typically turn to for advice.
This research received support from the USDA National Institute of Food and Agriculture, Hatch project (ILLU-793-344; PI: Kelly M. Tu) and a grant from the Eunice Kennedy Shriver National Institute of Child Health and Human Development (5R03HD100916-02) awarded to Kelly M. Tu. The authors are solely responsible for the content of this study.The content of this article is solely the responsibility of the author and does not necessarily represent the views of the National Institute of Food and Agriculture or the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development.
