Selena Gomez has opened up about her inability to carry a baby due to health complications, a sentiment that evokes a profound sense of loss often ignored by society.

In an interview with Vanity Fair, Gomez said, “I’ve never shared this before, but I can’t carry my own children. I have numerous health issues that could endanger both my life and the baby’s. That was a reality I had to come to terms with.”

The 32-year-old actress from “Only Murders in the Building” remains hopeful about her future as a mother, although she acknowledges it may not unfold as she had originally envisioned.

“I had imagined it happening like it does for most people,” she explained. “I’m in a much better place regarding this now. I feel grateful for the amazing people willing to offer surrogacy and adoption, which are both viable paths for me. It makes me appreciate the other options available for those eager to be parents. I’m excited about this journey ahead, even if it looks different than I expected. Ultimately, it will be my child.”

Understanding the Grief of Not Becoming Pregnant

Grief specialists have informed YSL News that women who learn they can’t conceive often mourn the loss of their imagined experiences of motherhood. Although this differs from mourning a deceased loved one, it still represents a significant emotional struggle.

“There’s a misconception about which types of grief are worthy of acknowledgment,” remarked Loree Johnson, a licensed marriage and family therapist, stressing that all forms of grief merit recognition.

Susan Youngsteadt, a social worker from Raleigh, North Carolina, previously shared her story with YSL News about discovering at 25 that she carries a hereditary gene for breast cancer, which influenced her decision not to have biological children.

While she is in a loving relationship with a partner who is also okay with living without kids, “it’s something I need to discuss with a therapist and connect with others who have chosen not to have children. Part of this choice ties back to my health and the risks within my family, as both of my parents have been diagnosed with cancer.”

Similar to all grief experiences, Youngsteadt said some days are more challenging than others.

“It can be difficult to distinguish between different types of grief,” she stated. “However, we often advise that it’s essential to make space for each grief experience and allow yourself the time to grieve or seek support as needed. Each experience deserves its own space and timeline.”

Managing Grief

According to psychotherapist and podcast host Amy Morin, talking about grief can be therapeutic, but not all conversations may be helpful.

“When someone experiences a loss, like the disappointment of realizing they can’t have kids, they may keep their feelings private,” she explained. “Some individuals might downplay the significance of such losses, which can hinder healing.”

Grief can sneak into our lives unexpectedly, making us feel uneasy and reluctant to discuss it.

“People often fear that discussing grief may somehow affect their own lives,” shared David Kessler, a grief specialist and founder of Grief.com. “Hearing too much about someone else’s loss doesn’t mean the same will happen to me.”

No one anticipates having to grieve, and Youngsteadt reflects on this reality: “As I age and experience more grief, it feels like a natural part of my life I need to embrace. It aligns with who I am and where I’m meant to focus my energy – even if it sounds strange to say I’m comfortable there.”

Contributing: David Oliver