Imagine your phone buzzing with a group chat from two of your best friends, giving you encouragement after you sought their advice on texting a crush. But soon, the topic switches to an inside joke that excludes you, making you feel sidelined.

This scenario highlights why “triads” in friendships can be problematic, with one person often feeling left out. Friendship expert Irene S. Levine notes, “When two people are closer or share similar interests, there’s a risk of feeling like the outsider.”

However, this doesn’t have to be the norm.

“While many friendships of three can lead to hurt feelings and feelings of exclusion, with intentional effort, these groups can thrive,” suggests Shasta Nelson, an expert in social relationships.

‘Managing Feelings in Friendship’

If you have emotions, you will inevitably compare yourself to others, including friends. It’s vital to adjust your expectations to avoid disappointment and clarify your needs within the friendship.

Nelson explains, “Triads can be tricky since there’s always another relationship to compare against.” It’s unrealistic to assume every interaction will involve all three people equally.

Friendships will always change; people will marry, relocate, or experience loss. “Handling these changes with confidence and maturity is crucial, especially when the other two friends share experiences that seem different from your own,” Nelson adds.

The influence of technology can amplify these feelings. When two friends are going through similar experiences, they may naturally become closer, and misunderstandings are more likely in texts.

“In online communication, even close friends may overlook how their words might affect one another, leading to misunderstandings,” warns Levine. “Once the message is sent, it’s difficult to undo the emotional response.”

‘The Complexity of Triads’

Think of a three-person friendship as a plant that requires care. It’s essential to acknowledge there are four distinct relationships: A/B, A/C, B/C, and the group dynamic A/B/C. “Each relationship has its unique patterns, expectations, and advantages,” Nelson states. “Establishing routines for all three to spend time together while also encouraging one-on-one interactions is important.”

Open discussions about these dynamics can be beneficial, no matter how uncomfortable they might seem.

Some individuals may find navigating this group dynamic overwhelming. Levine indicates, “If someone feels like a third wheel, they might choose to focus on individual friendships instead.” Indeed, “Three is more complex than two.”

Yet, as Nelson puts it, “Through clear communication and understanding, a trio can cultivate a strong bond and bring joy.”