Your love life seems perfect. You and your partner can’t stop messaging, going on adventures together, and praising each other so much that your friends feel overwhelmed. But then, out of the blue, things take a turn.

They suddenly withdraw. They become emotionally distant. They stop replying to your calls and messages. What’s going on?

If you’ve been active on TikTok, you may have encountered the term “avoidant discard” used to characterize this situation. While therapists note that this isn’t a scientifically recognized mental health issue, Luis Cornejo, a licensed marriage and family therapist, clarifies that “it appears to encapsulate what occurs when someone with an avoidant attachment style distances themselves.” This is distinct from ghosting, where someone cuts all communication without warning; instead, “it’s when a person struggles with emotional closeness or intimacy and creates distance in ways that feel perplexing or painful.”

It’s essential to remember that when someone performs an “avoidant discard,” it signifies their own unresolved issues and isn’t a reflection of you or your relationship.

Amy Morin, a psychotherapist and podcast host, states, “This can leave the person on the receiving end feeling confused and questioning their actions.” She adds, “But an unexpected exit without clarity typically says more about the avoiding individual than the one being avoided.”

‘A deeper level’ of ghosting

Avoidant discard is not a new concept, but “its occurrence has surged with the advent of social media, dating apps, and the constant digital connectivity we experience, allowing people to disconnect without explanation,” notes Chase Cassine, a licensed clinical social worker.

Kevin Chapman, the founder of the Kentucky Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders, compares avoidant discard to “a more intimate level” of ghosting. He explains, “Ultimately, people are often expressing that ‘I didn’t anticipate this.'” It’s important to understand if you’re dating someone with an avoidant attachment style, which reflects “a tendency to steer clear of emotional closeness and feel vulnerable in relationships,” according to clinical psychologist Regine Galanti.

Individuals who display avoidant attachment may feel anxious about close relationships and often find themselves pushing others away.

Morin adds, “They might reduce contact or abruptly stop communicating altogether, including ghosting.” This behavior can leave the other person feeling hurt, bewildered, or frustrated. Additionally, it can lead the affected person to desperately seek more interactions, which may cause the avoidant individual to pull away even more.”

How to handle ‘avoidant discard’

Keep this in mind: It’s not your fault! In the broader dating landscape, “you have to manage your feelings while also considering another person’s expectations, communication style, and readiness for a relationship,” advises Cornejo.

Moreover, Chapman notes that “often we resort to these behavioral patterns in response to potential intimacy, where the stakes feel high. Individuals may find temporary relief by escaping a relationship or situation, which ironically tends to backfire and creates a negative cycle, causing them to repeat this behavior in subsequent relationships.”

This emphasizes the importance of approaching relationships with a healthy mix of openness and boundaries, as well as reflecting on what you desire and need from your partner.