A recent study indicates that younger siblings typically receive more favorable treatment from their parents. Older siblings, on the other hand, are granted greater independence, with parents exercising less control over them as they mature.
Siblings share an extraordinary connection that stems from shared experiences, traditions, and the inevitable squabbles. If you ask anyone with siblings about who the favorite is, you might spark an ongoing debate. New findings from BYU provide insight into this lighthearted competition, highlighting how parents may unconsciously express favoritism influenced by the order of birth, personality traits, and gender.
The research, led by Alex Jensen, a professor at BYU’s School of Family Life, revealed that younger siblings often receive more positive attention from their parents. Conversely, older siblings tend to enjoy increased freedom as they grow older, with parents becoming less controlling.
“Understanding these findings can help families become aware of tendencies that might be occurring,” Jensen stated. “When parents recognize these patterns, they can implement minor changes that benefit all family members.”
The study also found that parents tend to show a slight preference for daughters over sons, although this bias is mainly noticed by parents, not by the children themselves.
Additionally, a child’s personality significantly influences treatment. Kids who are seen as agreeable and responsible—regardless of their order of birth or gender—typically receive more favorable treatment.
“Parents often find themselves relating more easily to one child compared to another, due to factors like temperament, birth order, gender, or shared hobbies,” Jensen explained. “It’s important to observe these patterns in your own behavior and to be mindful of how your children react to any situations that could be viewed as favoritism.”
Jensen emphasizes that these family dynamics extend beyond sibling rivalry—they also play a crucial role in children’s mental health. His research indicates that children who perceive themselves as less favored tend to struggle with mental health issues and may exhibit problematic behaviors at home or school.
“Be alert to behaviors that appear unjust. Your children will express their feelings if they sense something is unfair. When they do, take note,” Jensen advised. “They may either lack perspective or you might need to adjust your parenting approaches. Be open to the latter.”
In conducting the study, Jensen and his team analyzed data from over 19,000 individuals, drawing from a diverse range of both published and unpublished materials. This research offers a comprehensive look at how parental preferences develop and their potential long-term impact on children.
“At times, parents become so focused on treating their children equally that they might neglect their individual needs,” Jensen observed. “We’re not suggesting that parents should feel guilt; instead, they can utilize this research to identify areas for enhancement without resorting to overly drastic measures.”
Jensen hopes the study brings to light family dynamics that are often sensitive topics yet seldom addressed. Whether intentional or not, favoritism can influence sibling relationships and personal well-being. By acknowledging these patterns, parents can strengthen familial ties in significant ways.
“Sometimes the simplest solutions are the most effective. Be patient with yourself and your children,” Jensen advised. “Spend quality time together. Engage in activities you enjoy and those your children appreciate. Collaborate, do community service together, and participate in worship as a family. Building relationships takes time, and shared experiences across different activities can yield numerous positive outcomes.”
