Taylor Lautner enjoys a unique status among Taylor Swift’s former partners: he maintains a publicly positive relationship with her. And he’s sporting the iconic Eras tour friendship bracelets.

Lautner and Swift dated back in 2009. Fast forward over ten years, and he has attended multiple Eras tour shows with his wife, also named Taylor—which is quite a coincidence! Most recently, they were present in London. He even joined her on stage at her concert in Kansas City last year to help promote the music video for “I Can See You” from the album Speak Now (Taylor’s Version), where he had a leading role.

So, are the two Taylors onto something? Is being friends with an ex really a wise choice?

It varies. Important factors to consider include establishing boundaries, allowing time for personal reflection, and recognizing when it may be best to end the friendship.

“There’s a reason you split up in the first place,” Cecille Ahrens, a licensed clinical social worker, previously told YSL News. “While maintaining a healthy, platonic friendship post-breakup is possible, it’s often a challenging endeavor.”

When it’s beneficial to be friends with your ex

The strongest romantic relationships often stem from friendships. The fading of a romantic connection doesn’t mean the friendship has to dissolve. Lautner and Swift exemplify this possibility.

“Remaining friends with an ex can be perfectly acceptable, especially when shared values and personality traits were what initially brought you together,” Maryanne Fisher, a psychology professor at St. Mary’s University in Canada, previously shared with YSL News.

A friendship following a long relationship can aid in processing the breakup. “For some, keeping an ex as a friend can provide a healthy way to maintain a bond and address lingering feelings or issues,” noted Miranda Nadeau, a licensed psychologist, to YSL News.

Moreover, “psychological studies indicate that individuals who stay friends with their exes often report increased personal growth and more satisfaction in their lives post-breakup.”

When being friends with your ex is not advisable

Attempting to stay friends with an ex solely to remain part of their life, hoping they will change their mind and want to get back together, is not the right choice.

“If unresolved romantic feelings linger, it’s inappropriate to try to maintain a friendship,” stated Raquel Martin, a licensed clinical psychologist, previously to YSL News.

This applies also if the intent is about control: “It can be harmful if one person is trying to leverage friendship as a means to re-enter the other’s life or to sabotage their new romantic connections,” Fisher notes.

Even in the absence of romantic feelings, you may still experience possessiveness over your ex’s new relationships.

Your current partner might feel uneasy about you maintaining a friendship with your ex as well. Fortunately, it appears that Swift and Lautner do not face this concern as his wife is a fan of Swift.

Factors to weigh before staying friends with your ex

• Set Boundaries: If you don’t want to know about your ex’s life, like their new partner, that’s a sign to keep your distance.
• Allow Time for Transition: This may require months, not just a few weeks. “Adjusting to the absence of someone who provided support can be challenging,” Martin advises.
• You can be “friendly” without being “friends”: Both parties should respect the new boundaries and expectations of the relationship, allowing each to thrive, states Ahrens.
• Release the Past: “Building a relationship based on nostalgia is not sustainable,” warns Martin.
• Be Transparent with Your Current Partner: “Being open with a new partner about your past will help them feel secure,” Fisher suggests.
• Assess Your Ex’s Intentions: They might want to keep you in reserve while still dating others, and it is essential to be mindful of that dynamic,” Martin cautions.
• There are plenty of options out there. Just because your past relationship was fulfilling doesn’t mean you’re incapable of finding another equally rewarding one.

It’s vital to reflect on your own feelings. “If you wish to maintain a friendship with an ex, be upfront with yourself about your intentions and emotions,” Nadeau advises. “If the friendship is bringing you more pain than happiness, consider reassessing it and possibly ending it.”

In fact, it seems nearly impossible to separate Lautner from his friendship bracelets without some serious effort.