During the third evening of the Democratic National Convention in Chicago, the American public heard minimal complaints from GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump.

As he busied himself with campaigning—probably regretting his choice of the ever-annoying JD Vance as his running mate—I took the liberty to craft a MAGA-style review of the DNC for Trump to share on his social media channels. Happy to help!

Dear patriots, it’s disheartening to see the deceitful DEMONRATS convened in the devastated, third-world-style Chicago, joyfully endorsing their Marxist, communist candidate COMRADE Crazy Kooky Kamala.

No one is tuning into this repugnant display that goes against American values. That enormous crowd you see? TOTALLY FAKE. They’re using AI, folks. It’s called “artificial intelligence,” a term I invented. Nobody used it until I came up with, “That resembles artificial intelligence,” and then everyone agreed it was catchy, saying, “Let’s call it AI.” What a powerful phrase.

Tim Walz? I prefer big, beautiful walls!

On Wednesday night, while our country faced significant challenges and hordes of violent criminals invaded our neighborhoods—once peaceful neighborhoods—the DNC was preoccupied with introducing the leftist lunatic Kamala’s choice for running mate. They refer to him as Tim Walz, and let me tell you, he’s quite a character.

We refer to him as “Tampon Tim,” because someone suggested that phrase to us. I honestly don’t understand what “tampon” even means. But I couldn’t care less because he’s a radical leftist destined to ruin our nation and transform our shopping centers into prions where they imprison their political adversaries, particularly your all-time favorite president—me.

The name is Tim Walz, pronounced “walls,” and I gotta say, I’m usually a fan of walls. I constructed a massive wall along our southern border—a robust, beautiful structure, and Mexico footed the bill. It was, without a doubt, the most impressive wall ever created. Even Mexicans came to me, tough guys shedding tears, expressing their appreciation for the wall, saying, “Thank you, sir, for this incredible wall. It’s remarkable, and only you could create it.”

And it’s absolutely correct.

The DNC is overrun with vicious celebrities

However, Crooked Joe tore down that wall, and now nobody even acknowledges Crooked Joe. That’s due to a massive, illegal, and brutal coup against him, after which they selected Comrade Kamala. Now they find themselves in that perilous city of Chicago, deemed more dangerous than even Afghanistan, as many claim, and are pretending to draw huge crowds filled with radical, unpleasant celebrities.

Take Oprah Winfrey, the once-beloved Oprah. And then there’s John Legend. All these celebrities desperately wanted to join my Republican National Convention. They were pleading, “Oh, please, sir, allow us to attend your magnificent event!”

But I told them to take a hike. We showcased the best at our convention, featuring legends like Hulk Hogan, Kid Rock, and a slew of Republicans I barely paid attention to.

The Democrats are a washed-up group of losers. They have had previous poor leaders such as Barack Obama and Bill Clinton, along with the ineffective Sleepy Joe.

Who has past presidents from their own party show up at a convention to offer support? I certainly didn’t have that. Why would I want to associate with RINOs like George W. Bush or my ex-vice president and traitor Mike Pence? That would be an indication of weakness!

Polls show that REAL AMERICANS are in favor of Trump!

But it doesn’t matter because I’m leading in the polls by a wide margin, though the fake news media won’t cover the polls that show my significant lead. I will share them with everyone in two weeks.

Enjoy your dull, pitiful convention, you hateful and dishonest Democrats. I, along with most REAL AMERICANS, won’t be tuning in, and I certainly won’t be feeling jealous or throwing ketchup at my foolish running mate JD Vance.

MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!

Follow YSL News columnist Rex Huppke on X, previously known as Twitter, @RexHuppke and on Facebook at facebook.com/RexIsAJerk