Chris Olsen is in distress. He’s visibly upset and feels lost.

This 26-year-old gay TikTok star, known for his connections with celebrities like Meghan Trainor, has reached his limit with the online bullying and harassment he has been enduring. Surprisingly, a significant amount of this bullying is coming from other gay men, which might be shocking to those unfamiliar with the online community. However, if you’ve spent time in that realm, it’s a reality; people often insult each other relentlessly. While some of this is light-hearted, debating trivial matters like pop icons, much of it can verge on cruel – attacking strangers without a second thought. The situation can escalate from minor annoyances to serious harm very quickly.

Olsen has faced countless comments about being “annoying,” but he alleges that some individuals are even sharing his nude photos online and blackmailing him (as of October 2023, all 48 states and Washington, D.C. have laws against nonconsensual pornography, also known as revenge porn). YSL News has reached out to Olsen for his comments.

Support has poured in for Olsen, including messages from fellow creator Rob Anderson. “Watching him break down and seeing how people reacted shows a severe lack of empathy and humanity; it’s important to remember that people have feelings,” says Anderson, 36. “Having experienced similar situations myself, I wanted to share some perspective and hopefully help alleviate his pain.” Just like Olsen, Anderson has also had his nudes leaked. “It’s a subject that isn’t openly discussed; the more it’s talked about, the more prevalent it seems.”

Why do people resort to such savagery, especially within their own community? Experts believe this behavior may stem from a combination of factors heightened by social media, generational differences stemming from the AIDS crisis, and the evolving acceptance of LGBTQ+ individuals. With fewer common threats to unify against, gay men might direct their unresolved traumas towards each other, manifesting as lighthearted memes, cyberbullying, or even revenge porn.

“The reasons why anyone, including gay men, can be catty stems from personal insecurities and how they perceive and treat themselves,” explains relationship coach and certified hypnotherapy practitioner Ted Smith. “Issues like low self-esteem and a lack of self-love often fuel this behavior.”

When gay men tear each other down

Michael Bronski, a professor at Harvard and author of “A Queer History of the United States for Young People,” expressed surprise upon hearing about the negativity within the younger gay community. “When I was coming out in the late ’60s to the ’80s, it wasn’t this way. There were always catty remarks, but they often weren’t meant to cause harm.”

Chase Cassine, a licensed clinical social worker, notes that “the tradition of using clever insults, commonly referred to as ‘shade,’ has been a significant aspect of LGBTQIA+ culture,” particularly among Black and brown gay men. This can act as a coping mechanism for overcoming stress and trauma.

In Bronski’s youth, the everyday challenges of homophobia were so severe that gay men avoided turning on each other to escape the burden of additional harassment. While homophobia is still prevalent, attitudes have improved considerably; 69% of people now support same-sex marriage, compared to just 27% back in 1996.

Thanks to social media, gay men are now more connected than ever, meeting people they might never have crossed paths with, or putting faces to fleeting encounters from nightclubs.

Yet, with increased visibility comes the pressure of conventional beauty standards that apply to all communities. Muscular, attractive gay men often receive much attention, making them prime targets for those who may feel jealous or resentful.

‘These communities are uniquely fragile’

Do critics have valid points? Certainly. Inclusive spaces are essential, and it’s crucial to engage with those outside of our immediate circles. Vulnerable groups within the LGBTQ+ community, especially transgender individuals of color, face considerably more hatred than their white gay counterparts. However, this does not justify any form of hatred.

“Instead of tearing each other down, they should uplift and protect one another,” suggests Sameer Hinduja, PhD, co-director of the Cyberbullying Research Center and criminology professor at Florida Atlantic University. “Sadly, we often witness the opposite behavior.”

Discrimination against marginalized groups stems from jealousy and self-loathing.

Cyberbullying is widespread in various communities, with women often facing the worst of online hatred. However, the challenges faced by gay men are distinct and require special attention.

Consent within the gay community

It’s not uncommon for people to critique or tease others. But, as Anderson points out, “there’s a line when someone’s extra energy crosses over into harmful territory.”

Much like Olsen and Anderson, Erick Adame, a meteorologist in New York, had his private photos leaked online. He was dismissed from his job after his employer found out he was featured on an adult webcam site. LGBTQ individuals are subject to stricter examinations regarding their sexual expression and are more vulnerable to revenge porn, according to research.

“Everyone has a right to privacy, and the real offender is the one who shares these images without permission,” Anderson stresses. “It’s not the sender who intended for a select few to view them. This issue is serious, and it’s crucial that more discussions take place around it.”

Being part of the gay community allows for expressions of sexuality that defy conventional norms. However, some individuals misinterpret others’ expressions as an open invitation.

“Many in the gay community struggle with the concept of consent,” Anderson observes. “In mixed gatherings that include women, there’s a noticeable shift; men are more mindful of consent. But among gay men, there’s often a feeling of ownership over each other’s bodies and images, leading to discomfort about nude sharing. Many think, ‘Since they’re present, I have the right to see and share this,’ but that’s not how consent works.”

‘They secretly long for inclusion’

In reality, individuals can often be kinder and more accepting than we assume. It’s easy to feel like an outsider when scrolling through social media filled with pictures of people partying, some looking a certain way and others not. Whether you choose to mock them lightly or take it further, the real question is: why critique them at all?

Jarrod D. King, host of a podcast about gay culture, points out, “Oftentimes, people who criticize are simply wishing they could join in, or fit that image, without realizing they can just go out and have fun with friends.”

What can improve this situation? Reflecting on one’s actions is a constructive starting point—especially who you invite to your gatherings and how you interact online.

If your online behavior is questionable, remember that “relying too heavily on passive-aggressive communication can be harmful and dismissive to others,” says Cassine.

One effective way to counteract negativity is by spreading positivity.

“People will always find reasons to be dissatisfied and engage in harmful behavior,” Anderson explains. “However, if more positive interactions occur and if you witness a situation filled with negativity or harassment, resist the urge to engage or contribute in any manner.”