Ellen DeGeneres is sharing her experiences regarding the fallout from her toxic workplace accusations in what she describes as her last comedy special.

The 66-year-old comedian premiered her special “Ellen DeGeneres: For Your Approval” on Netflix on Tuesday, starting with a direct admission: “I got kicked out of show business because I’m mean. Yeah, you can’t be mean and be in show business.” She further mentions this as the “second time I’ve been kicked out of show business,” alluding to the backlash she received after coming out as gay in the 1990s.

She humorously notes, “Eventually, they’ll kick me out a third time for being old,” adding, “Mean, old and gay. The triple crown.”

In 2020, DeGeneres was accused of fostering a toxic environment on her daytime talk show, with BuzzFeed News highlighting allegations of racism and intimidation from former staff members. In response, she acknowledged that “things happened here that never should have happened” and expressed regret to those affected. She concluded her talk show in 2022.

During “For Your Approval,” DeGeneres reveals that she sought therapy to help cope with the widespread negativity from the scandal. She notes, “It was not a common situation for a therapist to deal with,” sharing an interaction where her therapist asked her, “Ellen, where do you get this idea that everyone hates you?” To which she humorously replied, “Well, New York Times, Washington Post, Entertainment Weekly, Us Weekly — I think Elmo may have said something recently on an episode of ‘Sesame Street.'”

She reflects on how the narrative of her being mean followed her everywhere, joking that patrons at restaurants are often anxious to see if she will be rude.

After recounting a headline that labeled her the “most hated person in America,” she quips, “It’s a horrible thing to say about somebody, and to make it worse, there was no trophy, no awards banquet. Nothing.”

DeGeneres explains how her previous focus on positivity became a challenge during the controversy, humorously stating that had she ended her show with a rude comment, people would have been surprised to learn she was actually nice. “Had I ended my show by saying ‘go (expletive) yourselves,’ people would have been pleasantly surprised to find out I’m kind,” she jokes.

She addresses the “extremes” of Hollywood, describing how her experiences of being loved at times and hated at others have tested her self-esteem and ego.

“There are people who love you and idolize you, and then there are people who hate you, just really loudly hate you,” she remarks. “Sometimes, I long for my childhood, when I just had good old fashioned neglect.”

Despite the challenges she faced, DeGeneres reminisces fondly about her time on her talk show, admitting that she was sometimes a “very immature boss” and is now figuring out how to fill her newfound free time.

In closing, the “Finding Nemo” star expresses her contentment in being a “multifaceted” person, saying that, while the impression of her being mean consumed her thoughts for a significant time, she has ultimately found clarity. “Caring what people think to a degree is healthy, but not if it affects your mental health,” she explains, noting, “So after a lifetime of caring, I just can’t anymore.”

Throughout her performance, the audience gave her a warm reception, including a lengthy applause that lasted about a minute when she stated, “I’m honest, I’m generous, I’m sensitive and thoughtful, but I’m tough, and I’m impatient, and I’m demanding. I’m direct. I’m a strong woman.”

When introducing “For Your Approval,” DeGeneres confirmed it would be her last comedy special, saying, “Yes, I’m going to talk about it. Yes, this is my last special. Yes, Portia really is that pretty in real life.” She concluded the show on an emotional note, expressing gratitude for the ability to conclude on her own terms, saying, “this is a night I will always remember.”

Contributing: Taijuan Moorman