Every year, Rosh Hashanah, or the Jewish New Year, has been a time for me to reflect—an opportunity to happily recall cherished moments from the past year and anticipate what’s to come. I did this last year, considering my blessings and aspirations for the year ahead. But after the holiday, on October 7, 2023, everything shifted, and my ability to experience the holiday with hope and renewal has been forever altered.

That fateful day, one year ago, my grandparents, Yocheved and Oded Lifshitz, who were lifelong advocates for peace and among the founders of Kibbutz Nir Oz, were mercilessly taken hostage by Hamas, along with many from their community.

Since that moment, my life has transformed from peaceful normalcy to frantically traveling across the globe, urging those in power to assist in rescuing my 84-year-old grandfather, who remains a captive of Hamas, as time is running out. This past year has been a whirlwind of protests and discussions with influential leaders—filled with fleeting moments of hope, profound grief, despair, and reminders that life outside continues even when ours feels stagnant.

Now, every second parallels the agonizing number of days my grandfather has spent in captivity.

For 365 days, my grandfather has been held hostage by Hamas

Day 0: The grim Saturday. My grandparents were in their safe room until Hamas militants forcibly entered. They took my grandparents—individuals who devoted their lives to fostering peaceful coexistence and helping sick Gazans access Israeli hospitals—as hostages.

Days 1-5: Each day revealed more horrors of devastation in Kibbutz Nir Oz, where nearly a quarter of the 400 residents were either killed or abducted. We learned of the destruction in other nearby kibbutzim and the chaos at a peace-promoting music festival. Overwhelmed by shock and dread, I feared for my grandparents, who were 83 and 84 at the time. Could they endure their captivity?

Day 17: A brief sense of relief arrived with my grandmother’s release. In just two weeks, she lost 22 pounds (10 kilos) and suffered from extreme dehydration. She recounted meeting a Hamas leader in their tunnels and, although weakened, she maintained her incredible spirit, challenging him about how he could treat innocent people—those who had always argued for peace.

Day 38: I arrived in New York for my first international advocacy trip, now carrying the unfamiliar label of “hostage family member.” As I moved through high-profile discussions at the United Nations, I could not stop thinking: “What kind of place is my grandfather in? Is he able to breathe?”

A temporary cease-fire, a hostage deal – then nothing

Day 49-56: A short cease-fire and hostage agreement took shape in Gaza. We waited with hope as over 100 hostages—predominantly women and young children—were freed, many of whom my family recognized as we formed a supportive community during our shared tragedy. We held onto hope that my grandfather would be released too. Unfortunately, the agreement collapsed after just seven days, and no further negotiations have materialized.

Day 157: I traveled back to Germany and Washington, D.C., for meetings with lawmakers and dignitaries. I carried photos of my grandfather and my dear friend, Dolev Yehoud, sharing their faces while fighting for their release. I pictured a day when they could stand beside me at Congress and appreciate an artwork by Frida Kahlo in a museum. Numerous politicians expressed their outrage and sorrow over Hamas’s actions, yet that contempt must translate into real measures to bring them home.

Day 217: My grandfather celebrated his 84th birthday on May 11th. Is he even aware that it is his special day?

Celebrating someone who is imprisoned can be quite challenging. To honor him, we dedicated a day to caring for his cherished cactus garden in Nir Oz. He and my grandmother cultivated hundreds of cacti, succulents, and euphorbias, but the garden had become neglected in his absence. I hope we made him proud.

Day 237: It seemed like a deal was finally on the horizon. President Joe Biden announced that the Israeli government was on board with a three-phase agreement, now it was up to Hamas to agree. My grandfather, a former journalist and lifelong advocate for human rights, would have been all over these negotiations. As a sixth-generation Israeli who served in four wars (including the one on October 7), he knows better than anyone that Hamas instigated this conflict. However, he would also acknowledge the urgent need for a hostage release and a ceasefire for the future of peace in Israel and the region.

Time Is Running Out

Day 240: My childhood best friend, Dolev, was assumed to be held captive with my grandfather. That day, we discovered he had been killed on October 7. The last time I had the privilege to see Dolev was on Rosh Hashanah 2023. I shared a joyful time with him, his wife Sigal, and their children on their balcony in the kibbutz. We played cards and kicked around a soccer ball. My heart aches for Sigal and their four kids (the youngest, born on October 16, will never get to know her father). October 7 has torn many families apart.

Day 328: On this day, six hostages—Hersh Goldberg-Polin, Carmel Gat, Ori Danino, Almog Sarusi, Alexander Lobanov, and Eden Yerushalmi—were killed in captivity. They could have been back with their families if a deal had been struck earlier, but the Israeli government was adding new demands while Hamas remained uncooperative. I felt devastated for their families and worried for my own.

Day 365: It’s difficult to articulate what the past year has been like. I can no longer enjoy listening to music. My grandfather, an exceptional pianist, could play any tune after hearing it just once. I feel guilty finding joy in music while he cannot experience it. I miss our conversations. My daughter misses her great-grandfather; my grandmother struggles with her mental and emotional well-being, missing her husband.

As I contemplate this Jewish New Year and the anniversary of October 7, my thoughts are filled with emotions linked to memories, all while my grandfather remains in perilous captivity. Time is slipping away. We need to bring my grandfather Oded and the other 100 innocent hostages home; securing a negotiated agreement is the only feasible way to achieve that.

This year has been a mix of fleeting hopes and deep sorrows. I shouldn’t have had to wait even a single day for my grandfather’s return, much less an entire year.

Daniel Lifshitz, who grew up in Kibbutz Nir Oz, is a former professional soccer player with Maccabi Tel Aviv and the founder of Bourgogne Crown, a wine importing company. Following the attacks on October 7 when his grandparents were taken hostage, he redirected his focus toward humanitarian advocacy.