Reproduction, intimacy, and enjoyment—discussing sex can be both intriguing and intimidating.

Individuals from various generations have shared their experiences and thoughts on sexuality with YSL News: A young woman’s friendship group fell apart due to a sexual scandal; a baby boomer relishes an active sex life in his 60s; and a man discovered his mother gifted his spouse the same intimate accessory she enjoys.

Are different generations’ views and conversations about sex distinct? To some extent, yes, largely because of their differing upbringings and experiences. Additionally, major societal transformations over the decades—like wars, the sexual revolution, AIDS, the #MeToo movement, and the rise of social media—have shaped younger generations’ perspectives.

Views on sex and marriage have evolved significantly, mirroring how we discuss these topics. For instance, in 1960, a staggering 72% of adults were married. This number dropped to 51% by 2011, and by 2022, it plummeted to around 25%, according to U.S. census data. Furthermore, support for same-sex marriage was only at 27% in 1996, but surged to 70% by 2021.

Baby boomers sought sexual encounters during Woodstock, often with very little sexual education. Generation X explored intimacy amid the grim realities of the AIDS crisis. Millennials were caught between abstinence-only programs and rampant online pornography. Meanwhile, Generation Z tends to believe they have a superior understanding and might not engage in sexual experiences as frequently.

Additionally, young people today navigate a post-#MeToo landscape, where conversations about consent are vital, while many from older generations have histories from a time when “no means no” wasn’t widely recognized.

The Opportunity to Educate on Sexuality

Maybe a family member handed you a sex education book, or a peer whispered secrets at school. Or perhaps no one ever brought it up, leaving you in the dark.

This greatly depends on generational context. While sex education has existed for over a century, many argue that it remains inadequate across various states, depending on perspectives. Baby boomers often lacked explicit conversations related to sexuality during their formative years. Generation X encountered media that sparked talks about sex. It was only in 1991 that comprehensive sex education guidelines were set by the SIECUS organization, positioning millennials as the first group to gain reliable sexual education. Meanwhile, Gen Z and following generations are believed to possess more knowledge than previous ones, despite only 30 states and the District of Columbia mandating sex education today.

Not every parent initiates discussions about sex, revealing the gap that still exists despite evidence highlighting the benefits of such dialogues. For instance, Chantel Solomon recalls her first conversation about sex happened only when she got her period at age 12.

Failing to talk about sex often sends the wrong message, implying shame surrounding it, says Rabbi Igael Gurin-Malous, 49, an authority on LGBTQ+ issues and religious studies. “When we don’t discuss it, our desires, our inclinations, and our curiosities remain hidden it’s essential to recognize that sexuality is a natural part of life and communication.”

Sexual Education Through the Lens of Older Generations

For each baby boomer who navigated relationships based on peer knowledge alone, there were others who received significant guidance from parents. Generally speaking, open discussions around sex were less common in their youth.

Susan, a baby boomer who wishes to keep her last name private, recalls her mother focusing on biological explanations for reproduction rather than the pleasures involved. She vividly remembers a boy attempting to kiss her in seventh grade, leading to her tears at home. Raised by a Holocaust survivor, her parents instilled a strong message about preserving virginity until marriage—a mindset influenced by traditions like that in “Fiddler on the Roof,” where the goal was to find a respectable partner without engaging in premarital relations, which she adhered to until college.

However, the “free love” movement of the 1960s subsequently transformed perceptions of sexuality. In 2001, only 53% of people endorsed sexual relationships between unmarried individuals as morally acceptable; this figure rose to 71% just two decades later.

Even during her schooling, Susan observed that teenage friends would often pair off and engage in sexual activity privately. A bisexual friend often talked about their experiences with both genders. As Susan puts it, the 1970s represented a liberating era.

Amy Baden reflected on the carefree attitudes of the early ’80s, noting everyone seemed to explore sexual relationships without guidance. “I wish I knew to explore further, but I ultimately found my partner for life,” she said, referring to her wife.

In the 1980s, as a teenager, Gurin visited the Oscar Wilde Memorial Bookshop in New York, the first bookstore for gay and lesbian literature on the East Coast. During his visit, a man approached him and invited him for sex, a practice commonly seen among gay men seeking discreet encounters. They went to a park, and due to his limited sexual knowledge, Gurin mistakenly believed he had contracted AIDS after the man simply touched him. (HIV is primarily transmitted through anal or vaginal sex when spread through sexual contact.)

However, Dr. Laurie Perrin’s mother provided some unexpectedly practical advice to Gurin: “If you’re engaging in adult activities, you need to behave like an adult. There are places like Planned Parenthood where you can obtain protection.” Following that guidance, Perrin and her then-boyfriend went to get birth control.

Shifting Attitudes Towards Sex Education

Many parents from Gen X and millennials are adopting a fresh approach to discussing sex with their children.

For instance, Kristin Hensley, a Gen Xer, has committed to open discussions about sex with her seventh-grade child, even documenting a quiz session they had together on the reproductive system. To her surprise, he answered more questions correctly and more quickly than she did.

“It’s much more effective to approach this in stages rather than trying to explain everything in third grade,” she remarks. “That feels unfair and doesn’t consider their age and capacity to understand.”

Meanwhile, fellow Gen Xer Jen Smedley aims to foster a comfortable environment for her Gen Alpha children (ages 11 and 9) to discuss sex with her.

“I want my kids to know they can approach me about anything and feel safe doing so,” she explains. “I plan to improve my comfort level with conversations about sex and gender because it’s a very real topic. They might know more than I do already—and they could teach me.”

According to sex therapist Neha Prahbu, this could indeed be true.

“Generation Z has unprecedented access to media, the internet, and educational resources, all of which significantly shape their perspectives on sex,” she notes. “On one hand, they’ve been exposed to sexual imagery and information much earlier than previous generations, particularly Baby Boomers. This access allows them to understand and explore their sexuality in ways that those before them could not.”

As an example, Ray Epstein from Gen Z turned to Google to learn about being a lesbian and later came out as bisexual, a common identification among LGBTQ+ individuals in her generation.

She felt comfortable discussing heterosexual sex with her Gen X mother. “I know she’d be open to talking about lesbian sex, but I’ve never felt the need to ask her about it since she’s straight,” Epstein shares.

How Younger Generations Perceive Sexuality

However, does greater access to resources and increased openness truly make a difference? Research indicates that Gen Z is engaging in sexual activities less frequently than prior generations, similar to millennials. A 2016 study found that 15% of millennials born in the 1990s, aged 20 to 24, had not had any sexual partners since turning 18, compared to only 6% of Gen Xers born in the 1960s at the same age.

In 2021, just 30% of teenagers reported having had sex, down from 38% in 2019, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

But a lower frequency of sexual activity doesn’t imply that Gen Z is overly conservative. A Pew Research study from 2023 reveals that over half of those under the age of 30 are comfortable with open marriages, compared to 41% among those aged 30 to 49 (including millennials and a small portion of Gen X).

“Gen Z is notably more open-minded and accepting of diverse sexual orientations, experiences, relationship types, and sexual dialogue compared to older generations,” explains Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, an associate professor in the Department of Human Communication Studies at California State University, Fullerton.

In contrast, millennials often struggle with these discussions. “Millennials witnessed their parents’ secrecy around sex and learned about it mostly from internet pornography; therefore, many carry feelings of sexual shame and anxiety concerning sexual communication.” Even though millennial parents are trying to engage in more open dialogues about sex with their children, it doesn’t necessarily extend to their interactions with their partners.

Millennials and their Conversations about Sex

Nonetheless, millennials are definitely discussing sex among friends. For young parents, conversations often revolve around a lack of sexual activity, while others explore alternatives to conventional relationship structures, such as open relationships or dating casually instead of aiming for marriage or exclusive partnerships.

Some others are attempting to navigate ways to keep the spark alive in their relationships, despite feeling stifled in the bedroom.

“My husband and I often find ourselves in the same positions during sex because we know what works for us,” Jennifer, a millennial who prefers to remain anonymous, explains. “However, as we continue our monogamous relationship, it’s a challenge to spice things up and be more attentive to each other’s desires.”

According to Sheila Addison, a family and marriage therapist, “People in their 30s and 40s often feel that they’ve ‘seen it all,’ yet they frequently lack effective tools for applying their knowledge, especially in their partnerships.”

On the other hand, some individuals recall having more candid discussions growing up. Alex, a millennial who chose to remain unnamed, fondly remembers having a crush on a girl at the age of 5 or 6. His mother, a psychologist, reassured him that it was perfectly acceptable for boys to like both boys and girls.

being open about their feelings towards girls. “I remember clearly expressing, ‘Nope, I’m really into girls, and this is who I like,'” he shares. He has maintained a strong relationship with his mother – so strong that when his now-wife met her for the first time, they were discussing orgasms within 15 minutes.

He’s instilling that same openness about sexuality in his 7-year-old son. “I was there when you were born,” Alex explained. “A man puts his penis inside a vagina, and women have eggs, similar to a chicken, but much smaller. These eggs stay in the woman’s belly for several months and then develop into a baby.” He reassured his son that they would discuss more details as he matures.

Parents feel that it’s important to use the correct terms for body parts rather than nicknames to avoid adding confusion.

Understanding Consent is Crucial in Today’s Conversations About Sex

Today’s younger generations are more attuned to the importance of consent compared to those before them, passing this awareness on to their children. Gen Z and Alpha are growing up with the idea of consent being a fundamental part of their discussions. Many colleges now require consent and harassment training as part of course registration and similar programs are becoming standard in workplaces.

Teaching consent begins at a young age, focusing on body autonomy for toddlers, and becomes relevant to sexual conversations as they get older.

Epstein, a sexual abuse survivor, emphasizes teaching kids that they can refuse hugs or any unwanted physical affection, which helps them understand their bodily boundaries.

“Children often think they must say yes, especially when an adult wants to hug them. My generation really let me down in this regard,” she reflects.

At 21, Epstein had no education on consent until she turned 17. When pressured by her middle school boyfriend, who threatened self-harm unless she complied with his request, she felt discomfort but did not recognize its severity.

“I was uneasy, but I couldn’t comprehend the situation,” she recalls.

He later attempted to violate her. “I was unaware that saying ‘no’ repeatedly mattered, or that someone threatening to harm themselves wasn’t acceptable behavior either.”

Is Sexuality Changing? And Are We Changing Too?

Is the internet influencing our views?

Laurie Mintz, a therapist and author of “Becoming Cliterate,” notes, “Many of my students are reporting more ‘unsafe’ sexual behaviors—especially among women—such as an increase in nonconsensual choking and hair pulling, which can be traced back to pornographic influences.”

Addison, a family and marriage therapist, highlights the dual nature of the online world, where younger people find community and freedom while some young straight white men are being radicalized into adopting harmful views toward women.

However, stories of sexual violence and assault have existed long before the internet.

“Sex always involves power dynamics,” explains Monique Jonath, 21. “Historically, sex has been a tool for exercising patriarchal power throughout the ages.”

But sex can also symbolize vulnerability. Jonath has observed how sexual relationships can both unify and fracture friendships.

Jonath was intrigued by a friend who could openly discuss sex with her mother, contrasting sharply with their own upbringing, which forbade such conversations. Nevertheless, they found it easy to discuss with older relatives.

“For a school project, I interviewed my aunt in her early 60s about her sexual experiences,” Jonath shares. “I was amazed by her candidness. I felt connected to her as she shared her intimate moments, realizing we shared similar thoughts and feelings, which was surprisingly comforting.”

Our Understanding of Sex Evolves Over Time

Susan shares that achieving orgasm can become more challenging in one’s 60s. A playful gift from her friends included lubricant for her birthday. In contrast, Darrell, wishing to remain anonymous, asserts that he enjoys sex more than ever as he approaches 70, largely due to being with partners who converse openly about their experiences.

“There’s a newfound openness now—I’m not sure if that’s my own change or that of the women I’m with. In the past, there was less discussion; now, it’s all about communication: what works, what doesn’t, desires, and boundaries,” he explains. “It doesn’t need to be shrouded in mystery anymore—it can be straightforward.”

The advent of HIV was pivotal in the sexual conversations for baby boomers and Gen X. It marked a period when many were forced to confront the reality of sexuality and its risks, making discussions about homosexual relationships and anal sex inevitable.

According to Tori Cooper, a Gen Xer and director of the Human Rights Campaign’s Trans Justice Initiative, “The queer community had to adapt to using condoms. ‘We needed to rethink our sexual practices,’ she says. Stigma surrounding sexual activity and various sexual orientations arose during this period, which some younger individuals might be experiencing similarly today.”

Why Discussing Sex Can Be So Challenging or Easy for Some

Discussing sex can be complicated, even more so when gender and sexuality are involved. They have become deeply intertwined, especially in recent decades, as the LGBTQ+ community has gained legal victories and broader acceptance in society, met with a predictable backlash against these advancements. While support for same-sex marriage has slightly declined, particularly among Republicans, younger generations still largely advocate for it.

Epstein feels comfortable discussing heterosexual relationships with friends, regardless of their sexual orientation, but finds conversations about lesbian intimacy to be uncomfortable and shameful.

“Discussing experiences involving women feels objectifying to me, and I’m still working through that because it stems from my upbringing. It’s not that my parents weren’t supportive; it’s just a societal issue that affected me,” she relates.

Individuals who seek insight from intimacy expert and psychologist Jacqueline Sherman often do so to explore their own sexualities and to deepen their connections with partners. However, many find themselves hindered by Some of the religious beliefs instilled from childhood.

Chantel Solomon, belonging to Generation X, was raised in the Mormon faith and has battled with her sexuality throughout her life. This struggle stemmed from feelings of guilt associated with her attraction to and kissing boys, as well as her first experience with a woman.

“It feels like I’m constantly at war with myself regarding being in my body and finding joy in it. Perhaps if I had access to more resources or the internet, things would have been different,” she reflects.

If she could provide her younger self with advice, she would say, “I would encourage myself to explore my own body and not feel ashamed for doing so.”

The overarching solution might simply be to engage in more conversations—whether it’s with yourself, your partner, friends, or mental health professionals.

“Without discussing these topics, you won’t understand (your partner’s) views, their sexual preferences, their feelings regarding different sexual activities, or their attitudes towards sex in long-term relationships,” states Suwinyattichaiporn. “Thus, open sexual communication is vital.”