It’s unsettling to consider, but joining a cult can happen to anyone. Just ask Bethany Joy Lenz, known for her role in “One Tree Hill.”

Lenz was involved in a religious cult referred to as the “Big House Family” for a decade, a subject she delves into in her recent memoir, “Dinner for Vampires,” released recently. She attributes her attraction to this community to her challenging childhood with divorced parents. (The “Big House Family” is a fictional title.)

“We all have blind spots influenced by our childhood trauma, the gaps in our upbringing,” she explains. “Personally, I longed for a family. I craved the ideal family setup. As an only child amidst family turmoil, that desire grew stronger.”

What did she go through? It began innocently with Bible study among artists, but gradually, the group distanced her from her family and friends, including her parents. The leader crushed her aspirations of performing as Belle in “Beauty and the Beast” on Broadway, declaring it a poor choice, and the group’s financial advisors squandered $2 million of her savings on risky endeavors, leaving her nearly destitute. Rumors spread around the set of “One Tree Hill” and throughout Hollywood. She ended up marrying the son of the cult leader, despite recognizing he wasn’t the right choice for her, and later became a mother.

Lenz claims the “Big House Family” exploited her vulnerabilities. “Cults adapt their recruitment tactics to what potential members desire,” says psychologist Natalie Feinblatt.

You might wonder: how can someone fall for such a ruse? Cult experts note that everyone has susceptibility to influence. Even intelligent and creative individuals can be misled by persuasive leaders.

“The more intelligent you are, the easier it can be to control your mind,” cult specialist Steven Hassan notes.

‘I was willing to overlook red flags’

When are individuals particularly at risk of falling into a cult? “During significant life changes – such as divorce, death, financial struggles, or emotional distress – the need for reassurance is heightened,” explains Callie Sorensen, a coach specializing in narcissistic abuse, coercive control, and cult recovery. “In times of vulnerability, our brains instinctively seek certainty and stability, and cults seem to provide the ideal solution to disorder.”

However, it’s important to understand that “the tendency to join cults does not reflect a person’s intelligence or value; rather, it highlights human vulnerability and the innate need for connection, purpose, and comprehension,” she adds.

Lenz fell into the common traps set by cults. “I was inclined to justify everything that seemed illogical in pursuit of my desire to understand things,” she recalls. A pastor from outside their area was invited in, gradually taking charge, and Lenz later noticed parallels between her group’s leader and Keith Raneire of NXIVM, who was convicted on multiple felony counts. “I was shocked,” she states.

Despite her departure from the “Big House Family,” she fears the leader may revert to old behaviors. “That’s a long-standing pattern, and I can’t predict what it will take for that cycle to be broken,” she expresses. “But I hope that sharing my story will prevent others from falling prey to him and others like him.”

How to approach a loved one in a cult

If you suspect someone you care about is involved in a cult:

• Stay connected. Make an effort to maintain communication, engage in honest discussions, and express your concerns. Just be present in their life without providing a reason for them to isolate from you.
• Refrain from confrontation. “Being combative or accusatory is usually counterproductive in these relationships,” advises licensed psychologist Quincee Gideon.
• Offer emotional support. Lenz suggests: “Provide support and share your own experiences and how you’ve handled situations that might resonate with your friend’s feelings about their group.” When they face the desire to leave, you will be someone they can reach out to.
• Consider professional help. “If the situation causes significant distress, consulting with a therapist who understands cult dynamics and recovery might be wise,” Feinblatt recommends.

Understanding cults empowers you

If you suspect that you are involved in a cult:

• Take a step back. “Any ethical group or leader should permit this self-reflection without any negative backlash,” advises Rick Ross, the founder of the Cult Education Institute. Lenz adds: “Exploring other viewpoints shouldn’t pose any threat.”
• Educate yourself about cults. Understand the signs of cult involvement and discern between ethical guidance and unethical manipulation. Also, “recollect who you were prior to joining the group,” Hassan advises. “What were your objectives? What values did you hold? What did you perceive upon joining?” .

• Engage with former cult members. Interacting with individuals who have left a similar group can provide helpful insights. Rachel Oblak, a licensed clinical mental health counselor, suggests consulting a seminary-trained theologian to discuss the group’s teachings. Additionally, she recommends exploring Robert Jay Lifton’s Criteria for Thought Reform and Lalich’s Bounded Choice model.
• Listen to your instincts. The process of leaving may unfold more smoothly than you anticipate. Joseph Szimhart, an expert in cults and behavioral health, notes that many cult members start to feel uncertain as they notice the unreasonable demands and illogical explanations from their leaders.
• Be kind to yourself. It’s important to recognize that people of intelligence and education can become involved in cults. This doesn’t reflect on your intelligence or common sense.
• Seek mental health support. According to Feinblatt, mental health professionals can assist you in navigating the emotional complexities and practical issues of leaving. Prioritizing your safety, both physically and emotionally, during this transition is crucial.

Above all, practice self-compassion. “Becoming aware that you may be part of a cult can trigger significant personal growth and transformation,” says Sorensen. “By affirming your experiences, seeking assistance, and rediscovering your own needs, you can escape the cycle of manipulation and reconnect with your true self.”