Tyler and Catelynn Baltierra enjoy their life in Michigan with their young daughters, playing in the refreshing waters of the Great Lakes and embracing the beauty of every season.

However, they’ve faced many emotional seasons since their time on MTV’s “16 and Pregnant.” Fifteen years ago, at the age of 17, they made the heartfelt decision to place their first daughter, Carly, for adoption—a pivotal moment in the show that was primarily documentary-focused.

“This kind of situation had never been shown in real time before,” Tyler notes about their adoption experience. “When we were selected for the MTV spinoff ‘Teen Mom,’ we witnessed the aftermath of the adoption, which had never been captured like that in television history.”

The couple’s story has profoundly impacted a significant segment of the audience. They regularly hear from adoptees, adoptive families, and birth parents, given that more than 115,000 adoptions occur annually in the U.S.

Recently, however, their past choice has turned into a distressing situation. They report that Carly’s adoptive family has ceased all communication. What was supposed to be an “open adoption”—where birth and adoptive parents maintain contact to share updates about the child—has completely changed. Previously, they enjoyed annual visits with Carly, but now, Tyler says, “all we can do is share our story and provide information about adoption.”

Tyler and Catelynn’s ongoing adoption issues, highlighted both on the show and social media, have ignited meaningful discussions. Their experiences reveal the diverse narratives within the adoption community—encompassing both positive and negative aspects. Many advocate for reform in adoption practices, emphasizing the necessity of recognizing the trauma and sorrow associated with adoption that affects everyone involved.

“Ultimately, adoption is synonymous with trauma,” Tyler explains. “It creates trauma for the adoptee, the adoptive parents, and the birth parents alike.”

Adoptees and overcoming their challenges

Each adoption story is unique. Studies have shown that trauma related to adoption is significant, with a 2013 study revealing that adoptees are about four times more likely to attempt suicide compared to non-adoptees.

Abigail Hasberry, an adoptee, therapist, and author, comments, “The narrative prevalent in the industry leans heavily towards adoptive parents and their role as saviors, which neglects the rightful expression of grief, loss, and feelings of abandonment or rejection. These legitimate emotions are often pushed down because adoption is portrayed as inherently beautiful and redemptive.” She notes that many adoptees may take time to “come out of the fog” and genuinely understand how their adoption has impacted them, leading to a redefinition of their narrative around the experience based on their trauma and loss.

Jenni Paul, a 65-year-old adoptee, adds, “People often hold back their feelings to spare their adoptive parents’ emotions. But when adoptive parents are no longer around, it’s as if you become free to truly express yourself.”

Numerous misconceptions surround the adoption process, often fueled by media portrayals that rely on outdated narratives. Ryan Hanlon, president and CEO of the National Council for Adoption, points out that “most children adopted from foster care are placed with relatives or foster parents who have cared for them for an extended time, which leads to a significant connection prior to adoption.” He also emphasizes that adoptions from foster care outnumber all other types of adoption.

Today, approximately 95% of domestic infant adoptions are open, with two-thirds including communication after placement, according to Adoption Network, an adoption agency.

Callie Mitchell, 37, maintains a close relationship with her eldest son, whom she sees at least once a year, despite having unexpectedly become pregnant in her twenties. Her son will turn 12 in December, and she frequently video chats with him, ensuring he also interacts with her younger son. However, she recalls the heartbreaking moment when she had to inform her son that the baby she was expecting would not join them, saying, “No, I’m keeping this one.”

Understanding birth parents’ rights

The legal landscape surrounding adoption agreements can be complex.

When Catelynn and Tyler made the decision to place Carly for adoption, they and Carly’s adoptive parents set an ideal arrangement involving annual visits—initially documented by “Teen Mom.” However, as the couple gained fame, and as Carly matured, their contact began to decrease.

Although they haven’t sought legal action to reconnect with their child, Catelynn expresses the difficulty of their situation: “The inability to be involved creates a tough power dynamic. We can voice our feelings and desires and empathize with their position, yet ultimately, they maintain all the control.” They are also concerned about the possible negative impact a legal battle could have on Carly.

Expectations surrounding adoption agreements differ from state to state. “Currently, around half of the states have laws making these agreements generally enforceable, while a few more have stipulations for specific situations,” explains James Dwyer, a law professor at William & Mary Law School. “A birth parent can always ask for enforcement but may have less success depending on the state.” However, he notes that “this area of law is changing, and the trend is leaning towards supporting post-adoption contact.”

Meanwhile, closed adoptions from the past are starting to unravel, as more Americans engage with ancestry services like Ancestry.com and 23andMe. Confidential details are emerging, much like water dripping from a faulty faucet. Generally, the more information that is shared throughout the adoption process, the more beneficial it is.

“I believe that voluntarily open agreements are often advantageous, and I firmly hold that when children reach adulthood, they should have the right to access their birth parents’ information and attempt to reconnect with them,” asserts Elizabeth Bartholet, an emeritus professor of law at Harvard Law School. “However, I don’t think we should separate parental rights between birth and adoptive parents in the manner that we do between parents going through a divorce.”

Even when such arrangements are established, they frequently fade over time. “It’s easy for the relationship to diminish if both parties aren’t prioritizing communication,” Mitchell observes. “Often, adoptive parents, for various reasons, don’t make the effort to sustain the relationship, especially once they have a newborn to tend to.”

What needs to change in the industry?

What specific changes are necessary? Perhaps it’s about changing our viewpoint. “Society has created the perception that adoption inherently leads to a better, happier life for children, which is often not true,” shares DezaRay Mons, a transracial infant adoptee known online as @TheOutspokenAdoptee.

The adoption industry saw its revenue reach $24.7 billion last year and is projected to grow to $26.2 billion by 2028. The cost of domestic adoption in the U.S. ranges from $20,000 to $45,000, a figure that raises concerns for many adoptees. Even though training for transracial and international adoptions has improved significantly over the years, experts like Hanlon believe there’s still further progress to be made.

One of the biggest criticisms from adoptees pertains to the financial aspects of the adoption process. Various costs associated with hiring professional services such as attorneys and social workers, alongside the expenses of running adoption agencies and compensating birth parents, contribute to this expenditure.

Lorah Gerald, known as The Adopted Chameleon on social media, points out, “Two truths can coexist: You can deeply love your adoptive parents while also acknowledging that the adoption system can be flawed.”

‘I love her so much’

Tyler urges people to pay attention to the experiences of adoptees: “Be open to challenging the way you think about these stories,” he suggests. Learning about adoptee trauma, he believes, is essential for both future birth parents and adoptive families to better navigate their paths.

Catelynn reflects on her experience without regret. “I just wish I had been better informed when I was younger. Considering we were so young, I think being more educated would have led me to make different choices.”

They have publicly shared their difficulties over not being able to reach out to Carly, especially as she enters her teenage years, which complicates their efforts.

Catelynn feels it is important that one day Carly can see their story from their perspective and understand how much she was loved. “I love her so deeply that I knew she couldn’t stay with me, and I wanted her to have a better life.”

(This story has been updated with additional information.)