Recently, as Shota Imanaga was striving for a no-hit game with the Chicago Cubs, several of baseball’s “unwritten rules” were evident.

In the dugout, Imanaga’s teammates maintained a respectful distance due to a well-known superstition associated with no-hitters. Meanwhile, the Pittsburgh Pirates, who were facing the Cubs, refrained from trying to bunt for a hit—an act often frowned upon for interrupting a no-hitter in a perceived unfair manner.

Cubs manager Craig Counsell took a bold approach regarding these unwritten rules by replacing Imanaga after seven innings while the no-hitter remained intact, citing the need to protect his pitcher’s health.

“It’s all about taking care of Shota and doing what’s best for him,” said Counsell.

But are we ensuring the same for our children in their sports activities?

Parents and coaches often have their own set of unwritten rules: Avoid excessive scoring against less skilled teams; don’t react harshly when an opponent makes a mistake; refrain from stealing bases when holding a significant lead; and be cautious about overworking a young pitcher, like Imanaga, who threw over 95 pitches.

Despite these principles, violations still occur.

When our unwritten rules are ambiguous or not recognized, they can lead to disputes among coaches or even altercations among parents in the stands.

This situation provides a poor example of “adult” behavior for our kids. Their sportsmanship, personal growth, and well-being may suffer due to our failure to establish a clear code of conduct.

Here are ten unwritten rules for youth sports, crafted with insights from coaches nationwide and a medical consultant. Some have even been integrated into the regulations of sports leagues and competitions, while others fall under basic common sense.

1. Monitor Your Child’s Pitch Counts

Professional record-keeping reveals that Imanaga, who joined the Cubs this season after eight years in Japan, is nearing a personal best for innings pitched this year.

Tracking pitch counts for youth athletes is often less precise, as kids may play for several teams each season, with each team keeping its own record.

As a result, a child could reach the Little League pitch limit (typically 85 pitches or fewer for those aged 12 and under) and still pitch in a tournament without the required rest period. Some tournaments have less stringent rules about consecutive days pitching and the recovery needed compared to Little League regulations.

“When it’s an important game, adrenaline might push an athlete to throw harder than usual,” notes Natalie Ronshaugen, a pediatric sports medicine professional at Children’s Nebraska.

Pitch counts should apply to both tournaments and Little League games to help prevent growth plate injuries, which Ronshaugen warns could sideline a child for an entire season or even hinder the growth of that limb.

At any age, it’s vital for coaches to communicate with players about their pitch counts and how they’re feeling. Throwing may lead to soreness, but should never cause actual pain, according to Ronshaugen.

“A fatigued pitcher is more prone to poor throwing mechanics and a higher risk of injury,” she emphasizes.

This advice applies to athletes in all sports. Winning a game or preserving a no-hitter should never come at the expense of a child’s health.

2. The 24-Hour Rule: Avoid After-Game Analysis on the Ride Home

Following a tough game, your child might be more disheartened than you realize.

Cal Ripken, a Major League Baseball Hall of Famer and advocate for youth sports, advised last spring at the Project Play Summit, “Avoid discussing the game in the car if it went poorly. It’s rarely a good idea. They likely won’t listen, and it will only frustrate you both. Plan what you might want to say for the next day instead.”

Wait for 24 hours before bringing it up, then start by highlighting something they did well as part of the conversation, as Ripken’s father used to do with young ballplayers.

For example, you could say, “I’m really proud of your effort! We just need a bit more practice on your swing.”

Alternatively, wait for your child to start the conversation to give them a sense of control.

3. Parents Should Refrain from Giving Instructions During Games

“Let the players focus! The number of times parents give misguided tactical advice is astonishing,” says Bryan Wokich, a coach for U7 and U11 soccer teams in Bellingham, Washington. “It’s particularly challenging with younger players. While I’m trying to have a defender maintain their position, parents might urge them to chase the ball instead.”

He reflects a common frustration shared by youth coaches nationwide.

While parents often intend to help, they usually end up distracting their kids and reinforcing a dependency they should be learning to overcome.

Let your child make their own decisions while coaches guide them with instructions.

“Most parents are cheering on their kids with good intentions,” Wokich clarified. “Still, some coaches ask parents not to even mention their child’s name.”

Instead, focus on encouragement: “You can do it! Get the next one!” or “You’ve got this!” Here are some additional encouraging phrases.

4. Wait 24 hours before discussing coach decisions

As parents, we may not always agree with the decisions coaches make regarding our children. However, reacting impulsively can lead to unnecessary conflict. It’s more beneficial to express any concerns with a clear and calm mindset.

Consider adopting your own 24-hour cooling-off period.

Kyle Reed, the head varsity football coach at Monroe High in Michigan, follows this approach.

“I also inform parents that they will be held to the same standards as the players, and I’m here to facilitate that accountability,” says Reed, who has been a high school football coach for 24 years. “People tend to appreciate this perspective.”

5. No parent criticisms towards referees

Officials often become the target of frustration when games don’t go as planned for our children. Parents frequently shout, threaten, and criticize them. This negative environment can lead officials to leave the field due to safety concerns, resulting in fewer referees available to make fair calls.

Have you ever taken a moment to talk to an umpire or referee? They’re often young people, similar to your own children, or seasoned professionals with vast knowledge of their game.

By cheering respectfully and remaining quiet, they might share valuable tips with your son or daughter. Conversely, yelling at them may cause them to become unresponsive or tune you out entirely.

“Parents often don’t realize that shouts from the stands are mostly muffled by helmets,” remarks Steve Buskard, a youth hockey referee with over 16 years of experience in Ontario, Canada. “We mainly hear ‘Blah, blah, ref, blah.’ Players frequently apologize to us for their parents’ reactions.”

6. Coaches should model appropriate behavior

“Kids are far more observant than they are receptive to our words,” states Torrey Smith, a former Super Bowl champion who now imparts core values to inner-city youth in Baltimore.

Instead of losing their temper over questionable calls, coaches can turn those moments into teaching opportunities. This can demonstrate to children how to handle disagreements, even if it means facing ejection from the game.

“When a coach gets thrown out of a game for arguing with an umpire, it becomes a vital learning moment for the players; they’ll closely watch how the coach manages the incident,” explains Evan Gerish, a youth coach from the Detroit area. “Does the coach keep their cool, or do they lose their temper? It’s a significant opportunity for students to observe a role model in action.”

7. Playing time guidelines for tournaments

Every child deserves fair playing time, especially considering the substantial amounts parents invest in their participation.

Many tournaments for younger age groups lack minimum or equal playing time regulations, often prioritizing victory instead. Consequently, I’ve witnessed players being barely used or not played at all across sports. A parent and seasoned youth hockey coach I spoke with from Michigan noted similar occurrences in volleyball and hockey, both of which have high participation fees.

He proposed two simple solutions:

• If a child isn’t likely to play much on a team, the coach should encourage parents to consider moving to a lower level.
• For road tournaments, inform parents in advance if their child will have limited playing time.

8. Avoid unsportsmanlike tactics

In youth baseball tournaments, there’s often no rule against stealing bases even when a team has a significant lead. Some coaches exploit this rule to quickly reach mercy thresholds and give their players a rest. This strategy can spark arguments with frustrated opposing coaches.

If your team consistently dominates in youth tournaments, it may be time to move up a competition level where the playing field might be more balanced.

On smaller baseball fields, players may successfully steal bases during pitches from the catcher to the pitcher. But on larger, official fields, they may find themselves caught out by a wide margin.

9. Turn lopsided games into learning experiences

As a coach, I’ve experienced both winning and losing in lopsided games. In a particular sixth-grade basketball league, we were penalized for winning by more than 40 points, so teams played keep-away instead of real basketball once that point was reached.

A varsity lacrosse coach I connected with on social media suggested a superior alternative: after one team gains a significant lead, split the players into two evenly matched teams for the second half. This teaches respect for the game and opponents.

Additionally, a 16U hockey coach from the New York area recommends not counting individual statistics once a lead becomes insurmountable. It’s crucial to focus on sportsmanship rather than personal accolades during these games.

10. Remember that there are kids on both teams

In our enthusiasm for our children’s games, we can sometimes overlook the fact that other kids are competing as well. We often cheer loudly for our team while unintentionally mocking opponents when mistakes are made (something I’ve caught myself doing too).

Next time you witness an opponent stumble or make an error, take a moment to pause and think about their feelings. How would it feel if you were in their shoes?

Reflect on whether you would be hard on yourself or your child if the same situation occurred. This is a principle embraced by top-level coaches in college basketball.

“I’m a human being, and the person I’m coaching is a human being, too. We need to accept a degree of flaws and limitations in ourselves and others,” notes Marquette coach Shaka Smart.

In a recent interview on the Coaching Culture podcast, Smart recalled waking in the early hours and saying, “Not good enough. It’s OK.”

“Then I pondered it. This resonates with many aspects of our lives. We strive to improve, grow and help others progress, but we also need to reach a point of acceptance—allowing for imperfections,” he added.

In essence: Regardless of the rules—whether stated or implied—we experience both victories and defeats, we all make mistakes, and there’s always a chance to do things better next time.

Steve Borelli, known as Coach Steve, has been active as an editor and writer at YSL News since 1999. He has also spent For many years, Coach Steve has dedicated time to coach his two sons in both baseball and basketball. Now, he and his wife, Colleen, are actively involved as sports parents for their two high school-age children. He publishes his insights in a weekly column.