No matter where I went with my four kids, who are each about two years apart, I faced similar comments from strangers.

Whether on Capitol Hill, visiting the Smithsonian Museums, or later in Texas at the Stockyards in Fort Worth, people felt compelled to share their thoughts on my family. “Wow! You seem really busy,” one passerby remarked, observing my kids aged 7, 5, 3, and 1. “Don’t you know how to stop that?” others chimed in with a wink.

Having a relatively large family is quite rare these days; only 12% of adults have four or more children. Now that three of my kids are teenagers, the size of my family rarely crosses my mind—I’m far too occupied with raising them.

Alongside my job, I’m also juggling school runs, sports practices, and doctor visits. Plus, I’m trying to make it to concerts, soccer games, and parent meetings while still squeezing in as much quality one-on-one time with them as I can.

“If you want to know what it’s like to have a fourth child,” comedian Jim Gaffigan humorously states in one of his sketches, “just imagine you’re drowning and then someone hands you a baby.” The struggle is indeed real.

Naturally, parents experience stress

Recently, while I was pulling up a photo for a friend, she noticed my calendar open on my phone. “Oh my gosh!” she exclaimed, shocked at how every day looked so packed it was nearly indecipherable. “How do you manage all that?” I could only laugh.

Isn’t every parent’s schedule just as busy?

I felt a similar sentiment when Dr. Vivek Murthy, the U.S. surgeon general, recently released a concerning report on the mental health status of parents, aptly titled “Parents Under Pressure.”

The report noted, “Over the last decade, parents have reported higher levels of stress compared to other adults. In 2023, 33% of parents reported high stress levels in the past month compared to 20% of non-parents,” citing research from the American Psychological Association.

Nearly half of parents indicated that “most days their stress feels completely overwhelming.”

It’s quite apparent that parents carry more stress than those without children. After all, they are responsible for the well-being of other human beings, which is a significant duty.

Conscientious parents feel the pressure of this responsibility, manifesting as stress, even if they are healthy, well-organized, and financially secure. It’s like those warnings on coffee cups at fast-food places: “Coffee is hot.” Thanks for the heads up.

It can also be tough to acknowledge when we feel overwhelmed. After all, many of us actively sought out parenthood. I specifically desired a larger family. So, aren’t I just reaping what I’ve sown?

However, enduring this level of stress for 25 years, as children transition from infancy to adulthood (hopefully functioning adults), seems unsustainable. I’ve heard countless fellow parents express, “We just didn’t realize it would be this hard or this hectic!”

The surgeon general’s report highlighted that parents (and caregivers) grapple with “financial pressures and economic instability, overwhelming time commitments, worries about children’s health and safety, feelings of isolation and loneliness, challenges of managing technology and social media, and cultural expectations.” I can confidently say I’ve faced all of these struggles, just as my parenting friends have.

This overwhelming sense of parenting is likely a reason many adults choose not to have children. The birth rate has plummeted alarmingly low. It’s almost as if those without kids watch us and wonder: Why would we want to take that on? They notice stress, exhaustion, and financial strain in our lives.

Should parenting be this challenging?

The real issue is not parents’ ability to cope with stress or the challenges of raising kids. Instead, it’s often the personal, familial, and societal expectations that contribute most to the pressure.

In his book “Family Unfriendly,” Tim Carney, a father of six and columnist at the Washington Examiner, argues that our culture has made parenting more difficult than it needs to be. One example is the obsessive focus on busyness and excellence, which is particularly evident in the emphasis on children’s elite sports teams, demanding both immense time and financial resources from families.

Carney contends other elements fuel an anti-family culture, like the decline of walkable neighborhoods, the lack of community for children, and the disappearance of multigenerational family ties that used to support us.

As a parent of four, I wholeheartedly agree with Carney’s critiques of contemporary American society. He yearns for a more straightforward way of life and presents solutions that don’t involve a romanticized notion of rural living.

In an email,