As the new year arrives, many look forward to fresh starts. However, for those dealing with loss, especially a beloved pet, January may not feel like a time for new beginnings. Grief doesn’t adhere to calendars or resolutions. Yet, there are ways to move forward while honoring the memory of your pet.

I said goodbye to my dear companion of 17 years in December, making it challenging to enjoy the year’s end. Since adopting Sofia, my standard poodle, as a puppy, she has been by my side through my divorce and two home moves. With the loss of my parents during my childhood, she had been in my life longer than my father and nearly as long as my mother. This gentle, loving dog provided me with much-needed stability. By the time she passed away, I had spent two exhausting months in “doggy hospice,” alternating between emergency visits and chemotherapy, managing medications and meal preparation, and I was already emotionally drained when she said her final goodbye just after Thanksgiving.

Having lost family members around the holidays before, this grief felt distinct; I was haunted by feelings of inadequacy, as if I could have tried something else to save her. I found myself ruminating on what I should have done differently.

Through Sofia’s comforting Instagram account, I met Dr. Katie Lawlor, a therapist who helps others cope with pet loss. She explains that guilt is often the most common emotion clients face. This can complicate the journey of moving through “anticipatory grief,” the sorrow we experience when we know a pet’s passing is imminent but hasn’t happened yet.

My dog died Pet loss evokes profound grief that society frequently overlooks.

“We receive the diagnosis, and while they may have exceeded their expected lifespan, we still cling to hope for a miracle,” she shares. Experiencing this “grief-before-the-grief” can prolong healing. As pet owners, we strive to give our best to our pets, but the final moments should be cherished rather than filled with distress. “It’s better not to grieve in advance,” Dr. Lawlor advises. “You may miss out on precious moments you can still create together.”

Instead, concentrate on spending meaningful time with your pet. For me, that involved getting a wagon for Sofia once her legs weakened, allowing us to take trips to the beach, visit a harvest festival (thanks, Shady Brook Farm, for your kindness!), and create paw print art.

For you, this could mean keeping a journal of your cherished memories, baking special dog treats, or capturing photographs together. You might prefer cozying up at home to enjoy movies or music. Children can express their feelings through drawings or art about the pet. By displaying this artwork, you can mitigate sudden changes after the pet’s passing. As Lawlor emphasizes, “the worst thing that can happen is that the animal vanishes without explanation.” Show your emotions and encourage children to do the same.

Once the anticipatory grief fades, the grief of loss will follow. Time is essential in easing this pain, but Lawlor recommends regularly checking in with yourself during this difficult time. Are you functioning normally, able to work, eat, and maintain personal hygiene? Or, are you feeling trapped in a cycle of anxiety or self-soothing with food? Such symptoms may necessitate grief counseling.

“Keep in mind that you’re mourning the loss of a connection,” Lawlor points out. Reflect on how your life has transformed during your time with your pet and share those reflections with others who shared that bond. “Death clears away the distractions and reminds us that our own time is limited,” she adds. “When a loved one departs, it prompts us to ponder… What do I want to achieve?” You are grieving a chapter of your life as much as you are mourning your pet, so treat yourself with compassion.

If you’re stepping into the new year without your furry companion, Lawlor offers suggestions on how to honor your pet’s memory while fostering community and positivity.

“There’s no such thing as moving on, but we can certainly move forward without relinquishing that love,” she remarks. She encourages us to think about how we want to tribute the time spent with our beloved pet and the impact it had on us. Some ideas include sponsoring a foster pet or animal adoption, volunteering at a rescue, or donating your pet’s items to a shelter, allowing you to gradually remove daily reminders when you feel ready.

Consider transforming items like a food bowl into a plant stand or a leash into a belt. Artisan shops on Etsy can craft jewelry using your pet’s collar fabric, and there are also innovative ways to create keepsakes from their ashes or fur.

As for me, I donated many of Sofia’s toys and food to a shelter in her memory. I am looking into permits for a small doggy-bag container beneath her favorite tree. I’ve also memorialized Sofia’s fluffy image on my arm with a small tattoo and framed a photo of us together. Moreover, I’ve opened my heart to a new puppy, who has not only taken over Sofia’s bed but also her community; many friends have already visited with gifts and love. Welcoming someone with fresh perspectives on life seems like the perfect way to usher in this new year.