I LOVE YOU, YOU’RE PERFECT, NOW CHANGE: A recent study involving over 200 couples indicates that being truthful about the desire for change enhances the well-being of both individuals and their relationship.
“Sweetheart, do you think I look nice in this outfit?” This question is definitely loaded and prompts an even larger question— is being honest the best approach in a relationship? While an honest response could upset and spark a disagreement, being untruthful might result in trust problems later on. Does honesty reinforce romantic bonds, or does it sometimes have negative consequences?
Bonnie Le, an assistant professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of Rochester, has insights from a recent study involving over 200 couples. This research, published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science, focused on the significance of honesty in romantic partnerships.
The study observed face-to-face dialogues between partners in a controlled environment and assessed the impacts of honesty in communication, how it is perceived, and the ability to accurately identify honesty when discussing potentially relationship-threatening topics. The couples engaged in one-on-one discussions about changes they wished to see in their partners.
The conclusion? Simply be honest.
Most people appreciate honesty in their close relationships, whether romantic or otherwise, as it can foster connection and intimacy. However, candidly sharing difficult information, such as, “I really don’t like it when you do this,” or “I wish you would do that instead,” can also hurt feelings.
Nonetheless, in the long haul, being honest and feeling that honesty is present in the relationship can yield many benefits, as noted by Le and her colleagues.
“Our research showed that being straightforward about wanting changes significantly contributes to the individual’s and couple’s overall happiness, along with the other partner’s willingness to change at that moment,” states Le. “The same benefits were observed when the listener recognized honesty in their partner, regardless of whether the partner was actually being truthful.”
Working with Rochester graduate students Princeton Chee, Claire Shimshock, and Jenny Le, Le found that even if partners don’t fully grasp or correctly interpret each other’s honesty, the mere act of conveying sincerity and being seen as honest positively influences the relationship, enhancing its overall quality. Essentially, the intent to be honest holds more weight than getting the understanding completely right.
“These findings overall indicate that being genuine and recognizing honesty in a partner can enhance relationships, even when the truth might sting,” Le concludes.
However, it’s important to note that these findings are based on couples in generally healthy relationships, as pointed out by Le. Future studies might explore whether these patterns are applicable to couples experiencing difficulties.
