Welcome back to Uncomfortable Conversations About Money, a recurring series addressing tricky money-related topics that might make you feel uneasy. We’ll break down the issues and provide practical solutions.

What Should You Do When Given a Gift You Didn’t Prepare for?

The dilemma: Receiving an unanticipated gift can cause stress and guilt, especially during the holiday season.

Expert guidance: This month’s expert is Lizzie Post, the great-great granddaughter of renowned etiquette expert Emily Post. Lizzie is a co-president, author, and spokesperson for The Emily Post Institute.

“It’s those moments when your nervousness kicks in, but you should remind yourself to take a breath,” Lizzie advised.

“It’s perfectly acceptable to accept a gift even when you don’t have one to give back right away.”

How to Respond When You Get an Unexpected Gift?

“When you find yourself in the situation of receiving a gift and suddenly realize you don’t have anything ready to give back, remind yourself to concentrate on the gift itself,” Post suggested. “Acknowledge the moment, show gratitude, commend the gift, and appreciate the kind gesture.”

“Maintain that focus because diverting your attention to the absence of a gift only shifts the appreciation away from your thoughtful friend and wrongly assumes that gift-giving is solely about receiving something in return, which is not the true essence of giving.”

Should You Claim You Forgot a Gift?

Making up excuses about why you don’t have a gift can lead to a tricky situation, Post cautioned.

“You should halt yourself before fabricating excuses or lies like, ‘Oh, I completely forgot,’ or ‘There was a delay with the shipment.’ There’s no need for deception in these moments.”

Is It Good to Have Backup Gifts for Unexpected Situations?

Lizzie believes that having “just because” gifts is a smart idea, especially for times when you find yourself visiting someone unexpectedly and don’t have time to shop.

This is particularly useful during holiday gatherings. While it’s not essential to bring a gift for your host, some people prefer having a few “extra” presents at hand.

However, Lizzie values the personal connection in gift-giving. “I always think that whenever we can tie a gift directly to the recipient and the occasion, it makes for a truly special gift,” she explained.

When using a prepared gift stash in response to an unanticipated present, ensure it is suitable for the recipient.

“If your friend is not a fan of bath salts, don’t pull from your collection of bath salts, right?”

How to Express Gratitude for an Unexpected Gift?

Simply saying thank you is perfectly fine—without feeling guilty, Post emphasized.

Should I Buy a Gift for the Giver Now or Later?

If you feel inspired to get them a gift, go ahead! You can create that special moment in the future without any pressure.

“I need to correct this immediately,” Post mentioned.

“Eliminate the word ‘should’ from your thoughts,” Post suggested. “Etiquette involves more than just rigid rules of ‘Do this, don’t do that.’ There’s room for subtlety. Instead, consider asking yourself, ‘Does this motivate me to include them on my list for next year or perhaps to get them something right away?'”

Post emphasized the importance of reflecting on how the surprise gift affects your view of the relationship.

“Let that feeling inspire your future actions. Sometimes, appreciating the gesture is more than enough,” she stated.

Is it appropriate to decline an unexpected or lavish gift?

Post pointed out that this often arises for those in the initial stages of dating, where it’s uncertain if gifts are being exchanged or what type of gifts to give.

“Typically, one should be cautious about rejecting a gift, yet it’s within your rights to do so. You might say, ‘This is a bit too extravagant. I wish I could accept it, but it feels wrong to me to do so,'” she advised.

It’s important to express gratitude toward the giver for their thoughtfulness while also indicating that the gift doesn’t seem suitable for you, she noted.

However, “it can be an uncomfortable situation — let’s not pretend otherwise,” Post acknowledged. “It is feasible to say no to the gift and still progress. But really evaluate whether you need to refuse it, or if it’s something that you can accept while appreciating its intent, despite it not quite fitting your taste.”

How can you thank someone for a gift that misses the mark?

If you receive a gift that doesn’t quite fit or isn’t to your taste, how do you acknowledge it sincerely without being disingenuous or creating an awkward moment?

“This is where a confident and rehearsed, ‘Oh! Thank you so much! I truly appreciate your thoughtfulness,’ becomes useful,” Post explained.

It’s all about showing appreciation. Recognize that someone intended to be generous, and even if the gift is a bit out of the ordinary, try to focus on the aspects you can speak positively about, she suggested.

A perspective from a gift giver: Giving a gift shouldn’t imply you expect one in return

Johnney Taylor, a reader of YSL News, enjoys surprising people with gifts when they least expect it and he likes to pay kindness forward, like buying a beer for someone at a local brewery.

However, Taylor clarified that his giving isn’t motivated by a desire for reciprocation.

“I find joy in giving gifts to friends, family, and even strangers,” he explained. “I never anticipate receiving a gift in return, but when I do, I am thankful.

“The act of gifting brings me joy; it fulfills me as a person to see others feeling happy.”

This retired mechanical construction worker has enjoyed a fortunate life and has done well financially. As a single individual with a shorter gift list, he sets aside $200 to $500 each month to share kindness or buy gifts throughout the year.

While Taylor mentioned that sometimes his generosity has been mistaken for ulterior motives, he makes it clear that he’s simply trying to do something nice.

Often, people ask him how they can repay his unexpected generosity.

Taylor suggests they think about helping someone else who might need a gift or assistance.

We want your input

Do you have a topic related to Uncomfortable Conversations about Money that you’d like to propose? Or are you willing to share your story for an article on your Uncomfortable Conversation? Email blinfisher@USATODAY.com with “Uncomfortable Conversations” in the subject line.

Here are some forthcoming topics. Do you have insights on these issues, and are you willing to feature in a story?

• Is it wise to borrow money from family? What could be the advantages and drawbacks?
• How should expenses and bills be divided when moving in with a partner, especially if your incomes differ significantly?
• How should one respond if their partner’s ex requests financial assistance?