Donald Trump’s bid for reelection appears to comprise 50% nonsensical chatter and 50% deeply racist fabrications, leading to the query: Are Trump and his running mate JD Vance genuinely aiming to win the election?

Thankfully, thanks to an entirely authentic transcript of a recent Trump campaign strategy meeting I received from one of my numerous GOP contacts—of which I have none—I can provide some clarity:

Okay, team, let’s kick things off with the most significant update. We’re thriving, and we’re absolutely set on restoring America’s greatness. Or is it “again again”? What is our slogan at this point? Forget it. It doesn’t really matter.

JD Vance, your ability to spread racist myths is unparalleled

Let’s focus on JD. Senator Vance, you have excelled in peddling outrageous claims about Haitian immigrants in Springfield, Ohio. Truly clever, utterly false, and heavily charged rhetoric. We appreciate it.

Not only have you disrupted life in a small Midwestern town and instilled fear in many hardworking immigrants, but you’ve also managed to get The Wall Street Journal to publish a full article debunking every one of your claims. Our motto remains: If the press and facts indicate we’re lying, we must be winning!

Let’s give it up for JD, who has boldly persisted in pushing this cruel, fabricated narrative despite harsh criticism and reality checks, potentially rallying support from men over 40 who might feel isolated during Thanksgiving gatherings.

This past Wednesday, when confronted with the fact that the Haitian immigrants in Springfield are legally present in the U.S., JD dismissed both reality and basic ethics, asserting: “I’m still going to refer to them as illegal aliens.”

BOOM! Any racists still on the fence just moved into the Trump/Vance support group! This aligns perfectly with our campaign slogan: Facts are overrated, you crybabies!

Gov. Sarah Huckabee Sanders, your unexpected critique of Harris for not having children was spot on

I’d also like to commend Arkansas Gov. Sarah Huckabee Sanders for her recent remarks alongside President Trump at a town hall in Flint, Michigan, where she ridiculed Kamala Harris for not having biological children: “My kids keep me grounded, unlike Kamala Harris, who lacks anything to maintain her humility.”

Well articulated, Sarah! With JD “Childless Cat Lady” Vance leading the charge, we’ve successfully alienated women voters at an astonishing rate. Remember, we don’t want their votes. Women – yuck, am I right, gentlemen?

A quick reminder to all women on the Trump campaign: you all signed an NDA.

We can’t overlook Trump’s strategy to repel voters

Anyway, let’s return to President Trump, who has been winning precisely zero new supporters. This is the plan we devised. We’re committed to winning our way, targeting only those who’ve already purchased at least one pair of Trump sneakers or multiple Trump Bibles.

In line with this, our leader has been forming utterly unintelligible sentences, keeping everyone guessing. Is he coherent? Does he understand the topics at hand? These are the types of questions we hope voters ponder as the election looms closer, which we will claim to have won regardless of the outcome.

This past Wednesday evening on Fox News, President Trump spoke about his debate with Kamala Harris and expressed his frustration that the moderators corrected him too often, declaring, “the audience just went wild.”

This was a smart move. Given that there was no live audience during the debate, his new claim leaves voters questioning whether President Trump is now seeing things that aren’t there.

It’s an interesting tactic, especially for those who may not remember things well. A great power play.

Now, let’s examine the response the president gave during a Michigan event when he was questioned about the “significant threats to Michigan’s manufacturing and automotive jobs” and his plans for addressing these threats.

His response was: “In my view, there is one primary threat: nuclear weapons. Other nations that are not friendly towards us don’t need to be antagonistic. I often say, if you have a wise president, issues with China, Russia, or others won’t arise. I maintained good relations with Putin, Xi, and even Kim Jong Un from North Korea. Many thought it wasn’t possible to get along with him, but we had a good rapport, despite his nuclear capabilities. Essentially, we’re facing threats from five countries, and the count is likely to rise. This is not just a danger for Michigan, but for the entire globe.”

That’s just great. This response doesn’t actually tackle the question; it gives our candidate the chance to discuss his admiration for authoritarian leaders and it will likely alarm voters who hadn’t previously viewed nuclear weapons as a significant concern for the automotive sector.

Well done, sir.

To ensure we lose, let’s keep advocating for a government shutdown

We’re also vigorously advocating for a government shutdown right before the election, which everyone recognizes as a brilliant strategy.

Additionally, there’s a recent post on Truth Social by President Trump: “Illegal immigrants flooding into our nation are taking jobs away from Black and Hispanic Americans who have held these positions for years. It’s crippling for the Black and Hispanic patriots of our country.”

This hits several of our strategic points. Is it misleading? Absolutely. Does it sound a bit outlandish? For sure. Will it only resonate with our existing supporters? Definitely. Is it blatantly racist? You bet!

Clearly, we are fully dedicated to ensuring we do not care about increasing our voter base in this election. Because here’s the thing: if we lose, we simply claim we won and let our allies in Congress and the Supreme Court handle the aftermath!

Now, go out there and engage in some political negligence. And don’t forget the core message from the Trump/Vance team: (Expletive) you, voters!

Follow YSL News columnist Rex Huppke on X, previously known as Twitter, @RexHuppke and on Facebook at facebook.com/RexIsAJerk