Do we ever truly move on from our first love? This is a topic that’s gaining attention among internet users. The “men’s first love theory,” which suggests that men remain attached to their first love, has sparked discussions on social media.

“Trust me, the men’s first love theory is very real,” commented one user on X. “He was my first LOVE, and he’s always on my mind. But it hurts to know that I’m not his first,” added another TikTok user.

But is this idea exclusive to men? “I believe both men and women likely remember their first love,” replied another TikToker. “First love isn’t always true love, but those memories will last a lifetime, and that’s perfectly fine.” Experts concur that the nostalgia and feelings tied to love can leave a lasting impression on everyone.

“TikTok tends to simplify complex social concepts into catchy phrases or beliefs,” remarks Kimberly Vered Shashoua, a licensed clinical social worker. “Can some individuals struggle to move on from their first love? Yes. But it’s not solely because they are men.”

It’s essential to be cautious, particularly if someone’s initial experience with love was negative. “Our first love shapes us,” says trauma counselor Jordan Pickell. “It influences our expectations in future relationships. However, comparing later relationships to the ideal of that first love can be harmful.”

‘First loves often occur in simpler times’

Pickell theorizes that our current focus on “first loves” may stem from today’s dating challenges. “Many people are feeling fatigued and disconnected in the dating scene,” she suggests. “First loves generally develop during easier times like school or early adulthood, when feelings could form more naturally.”

Additionally, love triggers the release of brain chemicals like dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin, which create strong feelings during the process of falling in love. “It’s not surprising that these emotions lead us to maintain a fondness for someone long after that initial rush fades,” explains Shanna Kattari, an associate professor at the University of Michigan’s School of Social Work. “This applies whether we’re still romantically involved or not.”

‘Men’s first love can carry significant emotional weight’

Why do we emphasize men’s first loves over women’s? There’s no scientific evidence supporting a male-specific theory, states Amy Morin, a psychotherapist and author. Insights may come from societal expectations, according to various experts.

“Men often aren’t taught to process or express emotions in the same ways as women, which can make their first love feel particularly significant,” explains Pickell. Licensed marriage and family therapist Laura Petiford adds, “While women might experience similar emotional intensity, they are generally more accustomed to dealing with emotions, allowing them to move on more easily.”

‘Forgetting your first love could lessen your identity’

So, is it true that people never really “get over” their first love? It largely depends on circumstances.

“The deep feelings we associate with early love come with considerable hormonal shifts that can feel overwhelming,” says Petiford. “It takes time to cultivate a more stable love, equipped to handle stress.” A first “love” might even be more about a powerful emotional response than actual love.

Considering past experiences with the help of a therapist can be beneficial. “In therapy, I often help people reshape the narrative around previous relationships, especially if their current situation feels unsatisfactory,” Pickell notes. “The first love often symbolizes what’s lacking now, rather than being a true reflection of the past.”

Even if past experiences were challenging, it’s important to acknowledge them rather than suppress them. “Our identities and relationships are shaped by our lived experiences and lessons learned,” Kattari states. “Forgetting your first love might inhibit your growth, preventing your new partner from knowing the full you.”