Some moms and dads might struggle to help their children deal with strong emotions. A recent national survey indicates that one in seven parents believe their child gets angrier than their peers, while four in ten report their child has faced negative consequences due to anger.
Many parents can relate to their kids having angry outbursts, whether it’s fighting with siblings or complaining about limitations on screen time.
Yet, navigating these intense emotions can be hard for some parents. The latest poll shows that one in seven thinks their child shows more anger than other kids their age, and 40% admit their child’s anger has led to unfavorable outcomes.
According to the University of Michigan Health C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital National Poll on Children’s Health, about 70% of parents acknowledge they occasionally set a poor example for handling anger themselves.
“Children often respond very strongly to small frustrations as they are still developing their emotional regulation skills. Without proper guidance on expressing their feelings appropriately, this can lead to disruptive actions, difficulties in school, and strained relationships,” explained Mott Poll co-director Sarah Clark, M.P.H.
“Parents have a crucial role in teaching their children to effectively process and manage their anger. However, many parents might need guidance on the best ways to achieve this.”
The findings are based on a nationally representative survey of 1,031 parents of children aged 6-12, conducted in August 2024.
Some children express anger more frequently
While over a third of parents feel their child has improved in managing anger, 40% express concern that their child’s anger may lead to issues for them. More parents of boys than girls report that their child has faced negative outcomes due to anger, such as causing harm to themselves or others, issues with friends, or getting into trouble in school.
Fourteen percentage of parents believe their child tends to get angry more often than peers, and these parents often worry about modeling poor anger management, foresee potential problems stemming from their child’s anger, and report that their child frequently faces negative reactions when angry.
“Children who experience or show strong emotions might feel different from those around them, and if their anger is met with shame, it could intensify their feelings,” said Clark. “It’s essential for parents to reassure their kids that feeling angry doesn’t define their worth as a person, but they need to learn how to manage it.”
Nonetheless, parents may not always implement effective approaches during these instances, with one-third indicating they haven’t received any guidance on teaching anger management to their children.
Although over 60% of parents state their child’s school has teachers or counselors available to help kids manage anger, less than half say schools offer information to parents on this subject.
More insights from the report include strategies for assisting children in processing anger more productively:
Help children identify reliable calming techniques
The surveyed parents supported various tactics to help their children cope with anger or frustration.
These methods include calming activities like drawing, counting to ten, deep breathing, thinking of pleasant thoughts, practicing meditation or mindfulness, or spending some time apart from others. Some children may also benefit from a physical outlet for their anger, such as tearing paper or squeezing a stress ball — a practice more commonly encouraged by parents of boys than those of girls. Others might simply need a chance to express their feelings and be listened to.
“For many kids, effective coping strategies involve stepping away from the immediate frustration, allowing them the chance to cool down and regain control,” Clark said. “There is no single strategy that works for every child, so it’s helpful for parents to seek diverse sources of information and advice and try various techniques.”
Understand the root of the anger
The majority of parents recognize their role in helping reduce angry outbursts.
To assist their children in minimizing anger or frustration, parents often focus on ensuring sufficient sleep and exercise, help identify and avoid triggers, and refrain from overscheduling activities.
Often, children’s anger arises from feelings of fear or disappointment, emotions they might not know how to express calmly.
“Anger can be a secondary emotion that responds to deeper feelings,” Clark noted. “Recognizing this can help adults approach situations with more empathy and patience.”
Demonstrate calm reactions to anger
Most surveyed parents admitted they sometimes model ineffective anger management.
By acknowledging their own feelings and issuing apologies, parents can provide children with effective anger management techniques to employ when they feel overwhelmed, according to Clark.
Adults may consider verbalizing their self-soothing strategies, such as saying, “I’m feeling frustrated, so I’m going to take a deep breath.”
“Just as it’s natural for children to feel anger, adults do as well,” Clark stated. “When parents believe they’ve set a poor example, they have an excellent opportunity to transform that into a teachable moment.”
Encourage positive behavior
Clark advises parents to provide encouragement when they observe their children managing anger constructively. Specific praise like “Great job taking deep breaths instead of yelling” reinforces the use of these coping strategies.
“Rewarding children for handling frustrating situations well can convey a positive message,” she commented. “However, punishing a child for feeling angry or frustrated won’t be effective unless the importance of utilizing strategies to manage that frustration is highlighted.
“Some children have personalities that make them more susceptible to frustration, leading to quicker and more intense reactions.”
It’s essential to validate emotions while also establishing firm boundaries regarding aggressive behaviors such as harming others or breaking objects.
Be aware of children’s anger management at school
Clark emphasizes that children may encounter different challenges and irritations at school compared to home.
“At school, children have limited control. They interact with peers, have no personal space, must adhere to a set schedule, and can’t easily avoid things that upset them,” Clark explained. “Parents should understand how their children express their emotions in this external environment.”
She suggests that parents take advantage of school conferences to ask how their child copes with everyday frustrations, and communicate with teachers about the strategies that work well at home but might be modified for the school context.
Seek professional help if necessary
If a child’s anger becomes overly intense, frequent, or challenging to manage, consulting a therapist or counselor might be beneficial.
Children facing underlying challenges, like anxiety, trauma, or learning difficulties, may struggle more with anger management, according to Clark. Professional assistance can provide tailored methods and support families in addressing these behaviors effectively.
