Donald Trump, Melania, and Their Air Kiss
On Monday afternoon, Donald Trump inaugurated as the 47th president of the United States, but before that event, he shared a notable moment with his wife Melania that quickly went viral.
The president puckered up for a kiss right before his inauguration, while Melania, wearing a wide-brimmed hat, turned her cheek just enough to accept an air kiss. Reactions on social media were mixed; some believed the moment missed was intentional, while others found it to be a charming display of affection. This moment will likely remind many of the brief kiss shared by former Vice President Al Gore and Tipper Gore during the 2000 campaign.
Do you and your significant other show affection in public like the Gores, or do you do it in a more subtle way like the Trumps? Experts advise couples to have discussions about their boundaries and respect each other’s love languages regarding public displays of affection (PDA).
“Some gestures may feel natural to one partner while not to the other,” Cecille Ahrens, a licensed clinical social worker, previously told YSL News. “Mutual consent and understanding are essential.”
Additionally, “it’s important not to allow someone to do something you’ll later resent,” relationship expert Kathy Nickerson noted.
‘Discuss it with Care’
Couples can bring up the topic of PDA at any time, Nickerson suggests. However, it’s crucial to have this conversation before someone’s boundaries are crossed, especially if one partner desires more public affection than simply holding hands or a quick kiss on the cheek.
“Discuss it sensitively by saying something like, ‘I love you, I’m really happy to be together, and everything is great,’ and then add, ‘I’d appreciate if, when we’re out, you don’t do things like reach under my sweater or play with my bra.'”
‘People Generally Stick to Their Preferences’
Different opinions on PDA can partly arise from one’s upbringing.
“People receive varying levels of affection while growing up, influencing their comfort with it as adults,” says Nickerson. However, preferences can differ for many reasons too.
“For someone who views touch as a primary love language, they may interpret a lack of it from their partner as a negative sign, while that partner might be confused, believing they express love in other ways,” Ahrens explains.
Nonetheless, don’t expect these love languages to shift dramatically over time.
“In general, most individuals tend to maintain consistent preferences throughout their lives,” Nickerson mentions. “However, significant life events, such as experiencing an affair, dealing with cancer, or losing a loved one, can alter one’s need for physical affection.”
Engaging in couples therapy can also create shifts in a relationship, as it can “help mend emotional rifts and cultivate new ways for couples to connect,” Ahrens explains.
Navigating Different PDA Styles in a Relationship
Communicate your needs and listen to your partner. If you notice hesitance or a clear rejection of physical affection, it’s important to respect that boundary, according to Ahrens. However, don’t stop there. It may be beneficial to discuss the reasons for the hesitancy or ambivalence, aiming to build more trust and comfort over time.
Even if you aren’t affectionate in public, your partner may still desire closeness in private. “If your partner loves physical touch, it’s perfectly fine not to engage in PDA, but ensure you shower them with affection at home,” Nickerson advises.
Be mindful of changes and speak up. If your partner suddenly stops wanting to hold your hand when they used to enjoy it, check in with them about it.
Find a compromise. Avoid rigid arrangements, like only allowing kissing in public on designated days. “We want to find a comfortable middle ground rather than leaning toward extremes,” Nickerson explains. Consider which places feel appropriate for affection—are busy restaurants too overwhelming, or are parks less populated more suitable?
Recognize that it could be a deal-breaker. “Everyone has different non-negotiable traits,” Ahrens states. “If partners fundamentally disagree on PDA and can’t find a satisfying compromise, it may be necessary to reconsider the relationship.”
Above all, focus on your unique relationship and stop comparing it to others.
