Do we truly forget our first love? This thought is resonating with many people online. The concept of the “men’s first love theory,” which suggests that men never move on from their first romantic interest, has sparked significant discussion on social media.

“Men’s first love theory is absolutely true, believe me,” commented one user on X. “He was my first LOVE, and he’s always on my mind, but I know I’m not his first, and it frustrates me,” added a commenter on TikTok.

But is this idea exclusive to men? “I think both men and women always remember and think about their first love,” another TikTok user responded. “First love doesn’t always mean it was true love, but those memories will last forever, and that’s perfectly fine.” Experts agree that nostalgia and the strong emotions tied to love make it likely that everyone dwells on their first love.

“TikTok tends to simplify complex topics into catchy phrases and beliefs,” explains Kimberly Vered Shashoua, a licensed clinical social worker. “Do some people struggle to move past their first love? Certainly. But does this affect men specifically? Not really.”

It’s important to avoid forming negative patterns, particularly if someone’s first love experience wasn’t positive. “Our initial experience with love shapes our beliefs about relationships and our expectations for future partners,” says trauma counselor Jordan Pickell. “However, holding every relationship to the ideal of that first love can be harmful.”

‘First loves often occur during simpler times’

Pickell suggests that our current focus on “first loves” is linked to the modern dating scene. “People are feeling exhausted and disconnected from the current dating landscape,” she notes. “First loves typically blossom in simpler environments, like school or early jobs, where connections can develop naturally.”

Moreover, falling in love triggers chemical reactions in the brain involving dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin, which create a host of uplifting feelings as we fall in love and foster connections, says Shanna Kattari, an associate professor at the University of Michigan’s School of Social Work and Women’s and Gender Studies Department. “It’s understandable that these feelings can lead us to hold a favorable view of someone long after the original excitement fades, whether or not we remain together.”

‘First love can hold deep emotional significance for men’

Why is there a focus on men and their first loves rather than women? There’s no scientific evidence supporting the theory for men specifically, according to Amy Morin, a psychotherapist, author of “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do,” and a podcast host. Some experts suggest societal pressure may play a role.

“Men are often not taught to process or express their emotions like women, so their first love may carry emotional significance that remains unaddressed,” Pickell explains. Laura Petiford, a licensed marriage and family therapist, adds, “Women may feel the same intensity during their first love, but due to often having more emotional experience, they might find it easier to move on.”

‘Forgetting your first love might impact who you are today’

Is it true that people never really “get over” their first love? Much of it depends on individual circumstances.

“The emotions tied to early love are linked to significant hormonal changes in the body that can feel stressful,” Petiford states. “Establishing a more lasting love takes time, and it often serves as a buffer against stress.” A first “love” might not even be true love, but rather just an intense emotional experience.

Exploring the past with a therapist can be beneficial. “In therapy, I frequently see individuals reframe their narratives around past relationships, especially when they feel unsatisfied with their current situation,” Pickell remarks. “The first love often represents what they feel is missing now, more than it reflects what actually transpired back then.”

Even if past experiences were challenging, trying to suppress them isn’t the best approach. “Our identity and our relationships are shaped by a lifetime of experiences and lessons learned,” Kattari explains. “If you forget your first love, it could make you less of who you are today, and your new partner wouldn’t get to know the real you.”