The day after a mass shooting at a high school in Georgia, many parents across the United States felt a wave of anxiety as they prepared for another school day.

A mother from Florida sent a loving text to her 15-year-old son early Thursday as he and his younger brother rode their bikes to school. In Georgia, a mother emailed her child’s principal, seeking reassurance. In South Carolina, a 12-year-old girl wept upon hearing about the tragic incident that left two students and two teachers dead at Apalachee High School.

These experiences reflect the difficult reality of parenting in America as the threat of school shootings looms large for families entrusting their children to educational institutions. Each new tragedy stirs up fresh fear among parents regarding the safety of their kids in a system many believe is inadequate in ensuring their protection. Every family navigates these feelings of dread, worry, and helplessness in their own way.

“The most important thing for me is to keep my feelings in check,” noted Crystal Garrant, a fourth-grade mom in Atlanta who also works with the gun violence prevention organization Sandy Hook Promise.

Garrant’s growing anxiety, shared by many parents this week, is reflected in statistics: There has been a 31% increase in school shootings across the U.S., per recent data from Everytown for Gun Safety and David Riedman, founder of the K-12 School Shooting Database.

The rise in school gun violence has changed how campuses look and feel. Active shooter drills are now part of the school routine. Security measures have been enhanced in recent years. Many teachers express concern about potential shootings, as indicated by various surveys. Some educators are even armed during school hours.

For some parents, school drop-off feels ‘terrifying’

On just the second day of school in Charlotte, North Carolina, Taylor Maxwell felt a surge of anxiety dropping off her 3-year-old at preschool, where her daughter has been partaking in lockdown drills since the age of two. Educators are teaching young children to sit quietly, a concept they are still trying to master.

Sending her daughter to school the day following a shooting in the South, in a region where gun ownership is notably prevalent, made Maxwell feel “a bit scared.”

“It’s incredibly daunting to have a tiny child you care for so deeply in a world that’s quite frightening for parents,” she expressed.

Maxwell collaborates with Project Unloaded, an organization aimed at empowering teens to promote gun safety through social media. She noted that many parents assume “it could never happen to their own kids,” yet she hopes the tragedy in Georgia will encourage more families to secure their firearms properly or refrain from gun ownership altogether.

Previous shootings influence parenting decisions

Monica Garcia felt stressed out while dropping her 6-year-old daughter Isabella off at school Thursday morning. Following the news about the Georgia shooting, she felt a rush of emotions: “devastation,” “fear,” and “extreme anxiety.”

Living in Texas, where a gunman tragically took the lives of 19 students and two teachers at a Uvalde elementary school in 2022, Garcia has found it heartbreaking to witness violence in places where children should feel safe.

Garcia recalls that when her now 28-year-old son was a student, she didn’t have worries about school shootings. Now, when selecting an elementary school for her daughter, she and her wife prioritized a private Montessori school because of its stronger safety measures compared to public schools.

“There is a level of unease, yet I have faith in this school and its teachers that they will do everything possible to keep my kid safe,” said Garcia.

Effective family communication, she pointed out, has been crucial in managing her fears, including carefully explaining to Isabella why her school conducts intruder drills.

“We have a lot of backup plans,” she shared. “We discuss it openly and share our feelings.”

Dr. Annie Andrews, a pediatrician in South Carolina and a senior advisor at Everytown for Gun Safety, often discusses mass shootings with her 12-year-old child. She made a conscious decision to have these conversations after the Uvalde tragedy, believing that it’s better for her kids to hear about such incidents from her rather than elsewhere.

After her daughter learned about the recent shootings at a high school in Georgia on Wednesday, she broke down in tears. The seventh grader had participated in a previously scheduled active shooter drill at school that day, making the fear of a similar event occurring at her school feel very real, according to Andrews.

“It’s unhealthy for growing minds,” Andrews remarked.

How should parents cope?

In response to tragedies like school shootings, Dr. Janine Domingues, a clinical psychologist with the Child Mind Institute in New York, acknowledges that it is “perfectly valid” for parents to feel sadness or anxiety. However, Domingues emphasizes the need for parents to first process their own emotions before communicating with their children about such events.

“As both a psychologist and a parent, I understand the worry associated with these incidents,” she explained. “It’s disheartening that we are compelled to have these difficult conversations again and again.”

Following a violent incident, temporarily step away from media coverage and try some basic coping strategies like deep breathing, Domingues advises. She encourages parents to be informed about their children’s school safety protocols and to join parent groups to alleviate feelings of anxiety about how the school manages emergencies. Furthermore, she reminds parents that, while gun violence in schools has increased, mass shootings remain uncommon.

Some parents choose homeschooling out of concern for mass shootings, but Domingues suggests taking a moment to reflect on one’s anxiety and discuss it with others before making significant decisions.

“Returning to school, maintaining a routine, and sticking to familiar activities can actually help reduce anxiety for children,” she stated.

Parents eager for their children to return to school should first ensure they can sincerely express to their kids their desire for them to be at school, as David Schonfeld, the director of the National Center for School Crisis and Bereavement at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles, recommends. He advises that parents take the initiative to discuss tragedies like school shootings with their children rather than allowing them to hear about it from friends or social media.

These discussions can serve as lessons in managing distressing news. “Let your children know that the news is distressing and it may have caused you anxiety, but also talk about how you coped with those feelings,” he suggested.

Parents fed up, worrying

Wednesday was meant to be a joyful occasion for Katie Hathaway, as it was her younger son’s 14th birthday. They enjoyed a lovely dinner together, but the mother from Neptune Beach, Florida, couldn’t help but dwell on the troubling news from Georgia.

Later that evening, around 8:30 p.m., her 15-year-old son’s principal called with an update about heightened security measures at school the following day. The school had received an online threat, but upon investigation, the authorities deemed it not credible. Nonetheless, the school would implement a lockdown as a precautionary measure, continuing classes as normal.

This news made Hathaway break down in tears. The distress stemming from the Georgia shooting compounded with the unsettling news about her older son’s school left her feeling overwhelmed. After her sons headed off on their bikes the next morning, she sent a text to her son expressing her love. He replied that there were police everywhere.

Like many mothers, she is exhausted from the constant worry about the potential trauma her children face from the fear of gun violence in schools.

“I’m tired of being on edge all the time,” she lamented.