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Sheldon Kennedy vividly recalls his first hockey match at the age of 4, played on an outdoor rink in Winnipeg, Manitoba.

His family resided on a dairy farm several hours away in the same province. Kennedy participated in tournaments on weekends while his weeknights were filled with training sessions after dark.

His passion for hockey helped to alleviate the burdens of farm life and the stress from a father he describes as aggressive and abusive.

“There wasn’t a picture of a loving relationship between my parents, that much I can say,” Kennedy, who played parts of eight NHL seasons, shared during a 2022 podcast on Players’ Tribune.

Kennedy found a mentor in his junior hockey coach, who reached out to his parents inviting him to stay at his house to discuss his future. His family quickly agreed.

This pivotal decision changed the course of his life forever, as his coach subsequently abused him over several years.

“The love I had for the game was taken from me,” Kennedy lamented.

This traumatic experience led him into a dark path filled with depression, addiction, and multiple attempts at suicide. In 1996, towards the end of his NHL career, Kennedy became one of the first prominent male athletes to publicly disclose his experience of sexual abuse.

He emerged as a hero in Canada, and in 2004, alongside Wayne McNeil, he founded the Respect Group to assist sports organizations in preventing similar tragedies.

According to Canada’s Child Advocacy Centre, sexual abuse in organizations serving youth is a serious issue worldwide. The U.S.-based organization Protect Youth Sports conducts background checks for over 1.1 million volunteers annually.

“These stories are chilling,” notes RJ Frasca, vice president of Protect Youth Sports. “Maintaining open lines of communication with your kids is vital. It’s far more effective than background checks alone.”

YSL News Sports connected with Frasca and McNeil to discuss how to identify signs of physical and emotional abuse and ways to avert it in youth sports.

(The questions and responses here have been condensed for brevity and clarity.)

Initiate Background Checks. (No exceptions.) Understand this is merely a starting point.

In the U.S., various companies, including Protect Youth Sports and NCSI, provide background checks for schools, leagues, camps, and other youth organizations.

The Respect Group concentrates on preventing abuse amongst coaches, parents, officials, and athletes. McNeil emphasizes that while having screening can create a false sense of security, it is necessary.

YSL News: How effective are background checks?

RJ Frasca: Out of the 1.1 million individuals we screen, about 6% reveal some form of criminal history or presence on the sex offender registry. Recently, a coach was flagged during our review due to a recent criminal charge. He tried multiple times to circumvent the system, submitting different dates of birth and social security numbers before admitting the truth. He claimed he had legal documents proving his charges were dismissed, including falsified signatures from a judge.

While this wasn’t a sexual charge, he did have a criminal conviction. We confirmed it with the court, which stated the charges had not been dismissed.

Wayne McNeil: Relying on police checks can be reassuring, but individuals with past convictions often find ways to bypass the system or choose organizations that don’t enforce screenings. Additionally, accused individuals who were never convicted may not appear on police checks.

It’s crucial to empower bystanders.

Recognizing the Red Flags: Abuse, Especially Sexual Abuse, Can Be Hard to Detect

The Respect In Sport initiative has trained approximately 2.5 million volunteers through online programs aimed at preventing abuse.

Participants learn that the danger isn’t limited to strangers. Most sexual offenders are known to their victims and work hard to establish relationships with them and their families, a process referred to as grooming.

Grooming might involve giving gifts to a child and creating a bond through private interactions away from the team setting.

Kennedy mentioned that his abuser formed connections with his family before isolating him, making himself the most trusted person in Kennedy’s life.

Abusers often target children from unstable homes, where parents may not be around frequently. Victims can feel isolated and helpless. Kennedy hid his secret for years, believing that no one would take his claims seriously.

Wayne McNeil: A coach may begin to interact with your child in a specific way, perhaps suggesting private practices or offering rides. Many parents might ignore these cues, hoping their child has a chance to excel. They might think, ‘Wow, an Olympic coach is taking a special interest in my child; that must be great!’ However, it might not be as positive as it seems. Coaches usually have numerous athletes to mentor, and this attention could indicate a concerning situation. I often say the worst sign is when a coach claims your child has enormous potential and promises to take them to the top—it’s essential to be cautious about such statements.

RJ Frasca: Physical signs like bruises can be visible (even if kids might hide them out of shame), but emotional changes, such as a child speaking differently or isolating themselves, can be harder to see. It’s important to observe if your child shows increased anxiety or starts avoiding certain adults. Notice whether they’ve become socially withdrawn or are acting strangely without obvious reasons.

Recognize that abuse comes in many forms and can intermingle

Recent statistics from the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services reveal that out of 558,899 child abuse and neglect cases in 2022, 74.3% involved neglect, 17% physical abuse, 10.6% sexual abuse, and 6.8% psychological abuse.

Sadly, incidents of these kinds of abuse can also occur within youth sports.

The respect group identifies bullying, abuse, harassment, and discrimination (BAHD behavior), which can overlap and be tough to distinguish.

The training program, to which YSL News Sports had access, emphasizes that volunteers don’t need to label a behavior to intervene—if something feels off, it’s okay to act on that instinct.

YSL News: What behavioral signs in kids suggest there might be an issue?

Wayne McNeil: A sudden shift in your child’s attitude toward their sport warrants investigation. This change could stem from bullying or feeling left out by peers, or possible exclusion from the coach. Various factors can affect a child’s behavior unexpectedly. Ask yourself why your child appears reluctant to practice or excited about games when they used to be thrilled. It could point to underlying issues with their friends or coach. Likewise, if coaches observe changes in an athlete, they must consider that there may be problems at home or within the school environment.

Be on the lookout for these warning signs of abusive behavior

According to the Respect Group, predatory or abusive behaviors often develop gradually. It’s vital to remain vigilant for unusual actions to prevent abuse from escalating. Don’t overlook any flirtatious interactions between a coach and a young athlete, nor should you dismiss a coach encouraging inappropriate behavior through crude comments or excessive physical contact, even if it appears consensual.

Be particularly aware if a coach spends exclusive time with one athlete after practice or separates them from the rest of the group.

Implement a “Rule of Two,” which the Respect Group advocates, requiring that at least two adults (one of the same gender as the youth) be present when interacting with young participants. Ensure that any one-on-one sessions remain within earshot of others.

Recognize the indicators of emotional abuse, which may include both physical intimidation (like a coach throwing items to instill fear) and neglectful behavior (where a coach often disregards a player to motivate them), regardless of their intentions.

Such behaviors are unacceptable and can lead to psychological harm.

Coach Steve: Insights young athletes can gain from the late Frank Howard instead of Bob Knight.

Have the courage to speak up if you notice something isn’t right.

YSL News: In terms of preventing abuse, what advice do you share with adults about what to teach their kids?

RJ Frasca: It starts with collaborating with the sports league and community to ensure a solid code of conduct and a reporting mechanism is in place. Be an active participant instead of just dropping your kids off for practice.

Only 38% of young individuals who experience any form of abuse report it, which is alarming. We should encourage open communication and ask relevant questions as the sports season progresses. There are many opportunities to foster discussion if we engage with them appropriately, using age-appropriate language, and ask, ‘What do you think about this? How are the other kids? What happened in practice today? Why did you feel this way?’

Stopping abuse means making common sense a rule again

During his journey of self-discovery, Kennedy rollerbladed across Canada to raise awareness for abuse victims.

Through conversations, he learned how abusers thrive on the ignorance and apathy within communities.

The SafeSport Act in the U.S. mandates that organizations overseeing amateur sports report any known instances of abuse to local or federal authorities promptly and provide education and training for adults working directly with underage athletes.

“Sheldon has a memorable phrase,” says McNeil. “It’s not about common sense; it’s about good sense becoming common once more.”

YSL News: How do you nurture a different coaching style in your program, ensuring effective training for coaches?

Wayne McNeil: In summary, we aim to foster an environment that prioritizes psychological and physical safety. It’s not simply about developing skills, like how to kick a soccer ball or shoot a puck. Our focus is on providing coaches with the tools they need to.

In discussing the coaching program, we examine insights and recommendations on building an environment that is respectful, inviting, and psychologically safe. If I show respect to my child, the referee, and the coach – and they reciprocate – it increases the likelihood that my child will feel safe and welcome to participate.

People often wonder why they should enroll in a program. The answer is that you are a good person, but you might lack this specific education. We’re offering you additional tools to enhance your abilities, benefiting both you and your child.

We don’t kid ourselves into believing that our program will identify every abuser; that’s not our primary goal. Instead, our aim is to empower everyone involved through solid education, enabling them to recognize and address any unusual behavior from parents or coaches.

Steve Borelli, known as Coach Steve, has been with YSL News as an editor and writer since 1999. He has spent ten years coaching his two sons in baseball and basketball. Now, he and his wife, Colleen, are proud sports parents to two high school students. His column appears weekly.