Chris Olsen is in distress. He is overwhelmed with emotion.

The 26-year-old gay TikTok influencer, well-known for his interactions with stars like Meghan Trainor, has reached his limit with the online bullying and harassment he’s been subjected to. This negative treatment is partly coming from fellow gay men, which may be surprising to outsiders, but it’s a disheartening reality for those familiar with these online spaces. Disparaging comments are rampant, ranging from friendly debates like who’s the best pop star to outright cruelty, where individuals attack each other online without a second thought. It escalates quickly from trivial to harmful.

Olsen has faced numerous comments about how “annoying” he is. However, he is now claiming that others are leaking his private nudes or finding them online to use against him as a form of blackmail (as of October 2023, all 48 states and Washington, D.C. have enacted laws against nonconsensual pornography, often referred to as revenge porn). YSL News has attempted to contact Olsen for his perspective.

Support has poured in for Olsen from fellow creators, including Rob Anderson. “Witnessing his breakdown and the reaction to it reveals such a lack of humanity and empathy,” remarks Anderson, 36. “People often forget that everyone is human.” Like Olsen, Anderson has also had his own nudes shared without consent. “It’s a subject that’s rarely discussed because talking about it seems to amplify the issue.”

Why does such hostility exist within the same community? Experts believe it stems from various factors linked to social media’s growth, a generation less impacted by the AIDS crisis, and increasing acceptance of LGBTQ+ individuals. As traditional enemies fade away, some gay men may resort to turning on each other as a way to manage their own traumas, which can manifest from light-hearted humor to harsh online bullying, including revenge porn.

“The cattiness, whether from gay men or not, often arises from personal insecurities and reflects how individuals feel about themselves,” explains Ted Smith, a relationship coach and certified hypnotherapist. “Factors like low self-esteem and a lack of self-love contribute to this behavior.”

When gay men undermine one another

Michael Bronski, a professor at Harvard University and author of “A Queer History of the United States for Young People,” expressed disbelief upon hearing from younger gay men about the harshness within their community. “This wasn’t the reality during my formative years in the late ’60s, ’70s, or ’80s. There was always some snark or sassiness, but it wasn’t intentionally harmful.”

Chase Cassine, a licensed clinical social worker, notes that the tradition of clever insults—or “throwing shade”—has played a significant role in LGBTQIA+ culture, particularly among Black and brown gay men, serving as a coping mechanism to handle stress and trauma.

In Bronski’s youth, the overwhelming reality of oppression made it unthinkable for gay men to add to their community’s suffering through mutual bullying. While homophobia still exists, acceptance of same-sex marriage has grown significantly from just 27% in 1996 to 69% today.

Social media has brought together gay men who may not have crossed paths otherwise, allowing them to put faces to names they may have only seen from afar in clubs.

However, when under the spotlight, the conventional beauty standards that impact all communities also affect gay men. The muscular, conventionally attractive gay men often attract the most attention, making them prime targets for those who may feel envious or resentful.

‘These communities are uniquely vulnerable’

Do critics have valid concerns? Certainly. It’s crucial that spaces remain inclusive. It’s essential to engage with individuals who are different from ourselves. More marginalized members of the LGBTQ+ community, especially transgender individuals of color, face far greater risks of hate than their white gay male counterparts. Nonetheless, this does not justify any form of animosity.

“Rather than tearing each other down, they should uplift, protect, and support one another,” states Sameer Hinduja, PhD, co-director of the Cyberbullying Research Center and a criminology professor at Florida Atlantic University. “Yet, we frequently witness the opposite take place.”

Discrimination against marginalized groups often stems from jealousy and self-hatred.

Cyberbullying is widespread in various communities, with women particularly targeted for online hate. However, the challenges faced by gay men are distinctly different.

Consent in the gay community

While teasing and critiquing someone can be acceptable, it crosses a line when individuals go too far, as explained by Anderson.

Erick Adame, a weatherman from New York, experienced what many in the LGBTQ community fear after his private photos were leaked online; he lost his job when his workplace discovered he had been on an adult webcam site. LGBTQ individuals often face heightened scrutiny regarding their sexual orientation and are at higher risk for incidents of revenge porn, as indicated by a study.

“Everyone has a right to privacy, and the real violator is the person who shares private material,” Anderson states, stressing that the person who initially shares a photo with the intention of it only being seen by a select few is not at fault. This issue deserves more public discourse.

Being part of the gay community often provides freedom from traditional sexual norms, allowing for greater expression in relationships. However, some individuals misinterpret this freedom as consent for others to share or view their private moments.

“In gay spaces, consent seems misunderstood,” argues Anderson. “When men gather, they often feel entitled to one another’s bodies and images, assuming if someone is present in the community, their physicality is up for grabs. But consent matters.” This might lead to some easily sharing nude pictures, thinking, ‘They’re out here, so I should be allowed to see and distribute their images,’ which fundamentally misrepresents consent.

‘They secretly want to be a part of it’

In everyday life, people often turn out to be more nice and accepting than expected. It’s easy to feel like an outsider when scrolling through social media, seeing images of others partying or enjoying themselves, which can lead to feelings of jealousy or contempt. But what drives this behavior?

“Sometimes, people who criticize actually wish they could participate,” notes Jarrod D. King, host of a gay culture podcast. “They may want to fit into that world without realizing they can simply join in the fun with friends.”

How can we improve this situation? Self-reflection is an ideal starting point, including who you choose to surround yourself with and how you engage with others online.

If you find yourself behaving negatively online, be aware that “passive-aggressive communication, when overly relied upon, can harm others and dismiss their feelings,” warns Cassine.

Promoting positive interactions may be the best remedy for this behavior.

“People will always find reasons to be unhappy, and that negativity will persist,” Anderson suggests. “However, if you have uplifting experiences and observe negativity or bullying, try to resist engaging in or supporting that behavior.”